Today's joke.

Globalti

Legendary Member
A bloke is walking down the street with a penguin, when a Police officer sees him. "Hey!" says the officer, "What are you doing with that penguin? Take him to the zoo!"

The next day the same bloke is walking down the street with the penguin and the same officer sees him. "Hey, you!" says the officer. "I told you to take that penguin to the zoo! What are you doing?"

"Well," replies the bloke. "We did the zoo yesterday, the cinema today - what else is there to do in this town?"
 

EltonFrog

Yup, no, that didn’t work.
A bloke is walking down the street with a penguin, when a Police officer sees him. "Hey!" says the officer, "What are you doing with that penguin? Take him to the zoo!"

The next day the same bloke is walking down the street with the penguin and the same officer sees him. "Hey, you!" says the officer. "I told you to take that penguin to the zoo! What are you doing?"

"Well," replies the bloke. "We did the zoo yesterday, the cinema today - what else is there to do in this town?"
Sounds like they live in Didcot, 'cept there ain't no zoo.
 

Drago

Flouncing Nobber
Location
Poshshire
A distraught husband went to the local police station to report that his wife was missing

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.

Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Colour of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.

Sergeant: Colour of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don't remember exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car is she driving?
Husband: She took my truck.

Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: Brand new 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. Added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a small scratch on the driver’s door.

At this point the husband started choking up.

Sergeant: Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck
 

EltonFrog

Yup, no, that didn’t work.
There's choo choos in Didcot :laugh:
Which reminds me of another joke.

A primary one teacher was speaking to her class on the first day of term.

"Alright class, I'd like everyone to tell me what they did over the summer holiday. Remember, you're not at nursery any more, so you need to use grown-up words now. Jamie, you go first."

So Jamie excitedly stood up and said

"I went on a choo-choo!"

The teacher grimaced and replied

"No Jamie, you rode on a train. Remember, grown-up words. Sarah, you next. What did you do?"

Sarah stood up and exclaimed

"I saw some Mooo Mooos !"

Again the teacher pulled a face and said

"No Sarah, you saw some cows. You're not in nursery any more, no baby words please. Jimmy, let's hear you?"

Jimmy got up and said

"I read a book!"

The teacher smiled.

"Very good Jimmy! Can you remember what the book was called?"

Jimmy smiled with confidence and proudly shouted

"Winnie the SH!T."
 
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Talking of which, a penguin goes into a pub and says to the barman, 'Has my brother been in?' to which the barman relies, 'What does he look like?'
reminds me of the Spike Milligan story on when he first met Harry Secombe when they were both serving in North Africa. Spike's cannon hadn't been chocked properly and rolled down an embankment near where Secombe's unit were stopped for a breather.
"Anyone seen my gun?" says Spike, and quick as a flash, Secombe answers "Dunno, what colour was it?"
 

Joey Shabadoo

Legendary Member
reminds me of the Spike Milligan story on when he first met Harry Secombe when they were both serving in North Africa. Spike's cannon hadn't been chocked properly and rolled down an embankment near where Secombe's unit were stopped for a breather.
"Anyone seen my gun?" says Spike, and quick as a flash, Secombe answers "Dunno, what colour was it?"
Quite common it seems

http://www.9news.com.au/world/2016/05/10/08/08/russian-military-chase-runaway-howitzer-cannon-on-foot
 
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