Dogtrousers
Lefty tighty. Get it righty.
Chris Rea holds the copyright on farty noises. Every time you break wind you are further indebted to him.
True Facts About Chris Rea
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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grldtnr
Veteran
Thank the gods for Rea, where would we be with out the great omnipotent one, probably a lot richer, without having to pay royalties to him.
He even has dominion over the stars in the night skies, and hasn't quite decided on what to do with them yet, but it's bound to be a rum do once he has.......
He even has dominion over the stars in the night skies, and hasn't quite decided on what to do with them yet, but it's bound to be a rum do once he has.......
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
Chris Rea once beat Mohammed Ali in a boxing match, after Ali kept disrespecting him, he got his good mates Vic Reeves & Bob Mortimer to suddenly, for a split second switch the lights off in the central Middlesbrough Boxing Club's gym, where a swift kick to the goolies felled the champion boxer, Chris Rea was quoted in the Northern Echo as saying Floats like butterfly, stings like a bee, screams like a girl with a bruised goolie!
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cwygd93579wo
Chris Rea has just sold a Panther Deville car that he won in a poker game from French pop star Johnny Hallyday in 1977, for 132,000 Euros, reports say it was sold to a Frenchman for a special project, however witnesses from the UK, who could speak fluent French noted that a Gendarme, with a very poor grasp of French, won the sale, thinking he looked familiar, it later dawned on them it was Richard Madeley in a Gendarme uniform, complete with Kepi, cape & a stick on mustache, plus Judy Finnigan had been heard saying to a friend, a time travelling car, does he think I was born yesterday, wait till he gets back!
Chris Rea has just sold a Panther Deville car that he won in a poker game from French pop star Johnny Hallyday in 1977, for 132,000 Euros, reports say it was sold to a Frenchman for a special project, however witnesses from the UK, who could speak fluent French noted that a Gendarme, with a very poor grasp of French, won the sale, thinking he looked familiar, it later dawned on them it was Richard Madeley in a Gendarme uniform, complete with Kepi, cape & a stick on mustache, plus Judy Finnigan had been heard saying to a friend, a time travelling car, does he think I was born yesterday, wait till he gets back!
lazybloke
Ginger biscuits and cheddar
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea was the first man in space but the spacecraft malfunctioned and landed in Grimsby. This was highly embarrassing to the Soviet government to they hushed it up and pretended Richerd Madeley-Gagarin was the first man.
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lazybloke
Ginger biscuits and cheddar
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
A never-screened Top Gear episode shows special guest Chris Rea attempting to set a new land speed record at Dunsfold as the "star in a reasonably priced time-travelling chemi-khazi".
On the last super-luminal run of the day, Rea sneezed and fumbled the controls, dumping the contents of the holding tank the entire length of the runway, and causing a temporal anomaly which means the poo just keeps on emerging from hyperspace again and again and again.
Obviously you can't have a runway covered in human waste; this is the real reason that Dunsfold aerodrome closed.
There really isn't much you can with such contaminated land.
Rea denies any direct involvement in the application to build 2000 homes on the site.
On the last super-luminal run of the day, Rea sneezed and fumbled the controls, dumping the contents of the holding tank the entire length of the runway, and causing a temporal anomaly which means the poo just keeps on emerging from hyperspace again and again and again.
Obviously you can't have a runway covered in human waste; this is the real reason that Dunsfold aerodrome closed.
There really isn't much you can with such contaminated land.
Rea denies any direct involvement in the application to build 2000 homes on the site.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea wants to annex Greenland. And force Richard Madeley to move there.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea scored a highly unexpected win at the 1973 Eurovision Song Contest with the song, Richard Madeley Wears a Toupee.
Moon bunny
Judging your grammar
- Location
- Basking in my own brilliance.
At this very moment, Chris Rea is in Grange-over -Sands public library, slipping P.G.Wodehouse novels into a hidden pocket in his trousers.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
The reason libraries insist upon silence is because all librarians in the land, every single one, are hifi buffs and are listening to Chris Rea in the back office.
Dogtrousers
Lefty tighty. Get it righty.
Chris Rea holds the world record for wearing multiple onesies simultaneously. He managed to don 173 Onseises at once. He was pretty much spherical at this point.
That was when Richard Madely chose his moment and weed all over Chris' onesies and ran away. Chris was furious, but was pretty much immobilised and unable to do anything about it.
That was when Richard Madely chose his moment and weed all over Chris' onesies and ran away. Chris was furious, but was pretty much immobilised and unable to do anything about it.
