True Facts About Chris Rea

[DRM]

It has recently come to light that the initial plans for a time travel machine were acquired from a top secret, highly classified project, headed by fellow musician, record producer, audio engineer & songwriter Alan Parsons, Chris Rea took them whilst checking out Mr Parsons studio whilst saying he was considering Alan for his next album, the plans under code name The Alan Parsons Project, gave Chris Rea a head start on building the Turdis, leaving Alan Parsons with the music side of the project, where he got some very clever session musicians to record a few tracks, then work on the time travel machine with him, being absolutely furious about the time travel plans going missing, but being unable to do anything about it, as it sounded like a cheap conspiracy theory, he has, however pinched Chris Rea's special electric Brompton from outside the Co-op in Middlesbrough

 

[Drago]

Then flight recorder in Chris Rea's TURDIS follows the original Alan Parsons Project blueprints and is a rotating vinyl disc into which a needle cuts a groove. During the last MOT Rea resisted the urge to have it upgraded to 8 track,

 

[grldtnr]

Despite Chris' colourful and troublesome life getting into all sorts of bovver, his marriage to Joan has been a long and happy one, ' when he gets home, especially after one of his many time travelling cock ups, he likes nothing better than to cuddle up on the sofa with me!'

Ahhh! Chris is essentially a very norty boy at heart!

 

[Moon bunny]

Tuesday morning, every cat-owner in York awoke to find they had a different cat. Chris Rea and his chum, Archbish Ebor, were seen chuckling to their selves over their jolly jape.

 

[Drago]

For reasons that have not been adequately explained, there are no tramps or stray cats within a 3 mile radius of Chris Rea's new kebab restaurant.

On a completely unrelated note, Chris Rea's eBay shop selling soiled raincoats and bindles is doing brisk business.

 

[PaulB]

Chris Rea's first job was nights switching on every individual cat's eye on the North-bound A1 from Darlington to Gateshead (you know, by the Metro Centre) until he was able to swap shifts with Eddie Blenkinsop. He then felt safer when he was able to switch them off in the mornings because there weren't as many cars on the road then.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea went to see a screening of Fanny by Gaslight. It's fair to say the box Kleenex he took with him was not required after all.

 

[N0bodyOfTheGoat]

Chris thought calling the ~6.9 mile, ~1210 foot climb by its B4501 lane name was very boring.

 

[Way-Out-West]

Chris Rea’s moleskin trousers are actually made from mole skins that he 'harvested' from his estate. He says no cruelty was involved as he classes moles as vegetables as they live in the ground.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris thought calling the ~6.9 mile, ~1210 foot climb by its B4501 lane name was very boring.

Very clever. I had to look it up.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has been offered £500 by the Science Museum fornhis Nokia 3310. Rea declined, as the battery makes a handy reserve power source for the TURDIS.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea had a lucky escape last night, after an emergency Turdis landing in Washington DC, he was able to deploy the kick start function, taken from a Honda 50 Cub, before a team from ICE snatched him, & sent him to Venezuela

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea's ongoing feud with Richard Madeley goes on apace, after finding out Richard Madeley has purchased a dairy farm, complete with a bottling plant, a herd of cows and a milk float, Chris Rea has been sneaking in at night to feed the cows garlic bread & rogan josh curry sauce in order to make the milk taste "funny" unfortunately the Garlic & Curry flavoured milk is selling in huge amounts, as a specialist dairy product, with a price premium too, Chris Rea can't believe Richard Madeley's luck, and having tried the milk, can't believe it's not butter either!

 

[Drago]

The source of the fued between Chris Rea and Richard Madeley goes back to 1992.

Rea had been at a house party to which Madeley was also invited. As Rea left the Auberge Drive of the TURDIS melted and deformed a Mars Bar that Madeley habitually carried in case he bumped into Marianne Faithfull and fancied his chances.

Madeley discovered the deformed treat and passed it off as his own, putting it into production and making millions from the confection.

Just to add insult to financial injury, Madeley decided to name the new sweetie after Rea's unruly beard, and thus the Curly Wurly was the source of a decades old feud that has cost millions of pounds and several lives.

 

[blackrat]

Am I the only one who hasn't a clue who this bloke is?