True Facts About Danny Dyer

[Ming the Merciless]

Danny Dyer’s next role will be to play Tom Selleck’s moustache.

 

[Drago]

Tom Selleck keeps Danny Dyer as a pet, and was recently censured by the feds for leaving him unattended in a car parked in the blazing sun.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Danny Dyer no longer has a deep fat frier.

He's on a diet.

 

[DRM]

Thames Water's hose pipe ban is set to come into force, after Danny Dyer's car wash business "East End Scrubbers" held a sale of the century, with Cars at 50p, vans 75p & lorries £1 a wash, with queues across the capital grinding London to a halt, as motorists waited in line for a bargain, reservoirs supplying the South East are now said to be empty, and the car wash staff have been hospitalised with exhaustion

 

[Drago]

Thames Water appear set to appoint Danny Dyer as CEO in an attempt to intimidated the government into backing away from plans to nationalise the business. Just to make the point, Dyer plans to order more leaks are created as a dare to the government.

 

[DRM]

It's not widely known, but Danny Dyer is a Professor of Modern History at the University of Walford, and has recently published a paper following fastidious research into Jimi Hendrix version of The Star Spangled Banner in 1967 at Woodstock, for many years it was believed Jimi's rendition represented an audio trip to the horrors of the Vietnam War, however recently discovered documents show that Jimi Hendrix had a premonition that Ford would build the most unreliable engine the world has ever seen, so with Ford being an American Company, he started with the Star Spangled Banner, then added much screeching, wailing, feedback & screaming from his guitar & overdriven Marshall Amp, which actually represented the noises that the Ford Ecoboost & Ecoblue engines make when the wet belt fails, Professor Dyer hopes that this research will count towards his Doctorate in Modern History.

 

[Drago]

Danny Dyer's ebike has an illegal "off road" mode.

 

[Drago]

Danny Dyer has written an open letter to the government demanding that he and his kind are taxed an extra 2% on the value of their moustaches.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Danny is marching on parliament; protesting the proposal to charge £2 for moustaches on buses.

 

[Drago]

Danny Dyer, for all the tough talk, lost an arm wrestling match to Ian Beale.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Danny Dyer has the same initials as Dirty Den.

Coincidence?

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Danny Dyer, for all the tough talk, lost an arm wrestling match to Ian Beale.

To be fair, Ian was wrestling the moustache

 

[colly]

Danny Dyer is, in certain quarters, known as Fanny Dyer. Maybe a name, maybe an occupation, possibly a hobby. Nobody actually knows.

 

[DRM]

Danny Dyer was flown into Sicily to visit Mount Etna & threaten the lava flow on it's last eruption, the lava was so scared it congealed and sealed the crater, after several hard stares and some fruity cockney threats