TV detectives

[cycling_eejit]

Theo Furlong (Theophilus is his given name but insists on Theo).

As befits his name he is a horse racing fan, always carries a copy of the Racing Post. He is regularly seen at the racecourse.

Drives a Saab 900, behind the wheel he is easily distracted and has no sense of direction regularly delaying his arrival at a crime scene. The Saab is never seen in any state other than covered in muck, inside is littered with losing betting slips, many of which have notes scribbled on the back relating to his police investigations. He can recall which notes are relevant by collating the info in his head with name of the losing horse and race.

Theo himself is always well presented in his trademark Donegal tweed sportscoat.

Raised and home-schooled by his very superstitious mother, his father disappeared soon after masterminding a betting scam that netted half a million pounds in the late 70's.
He has inherited his mother's ways and has an array of superstitions that he follows religiously.

Socially, he is blunt to the point of rudeness, and expects others to behave logically rather than emotionally. Totally at sea when it comes to the opposite sex and is oblivious to the advances of the lady who works the counter of his local bookies.

 

[wiggydiggy]

The Fast Show beat me to it

1. Name is Inspector Monkfish
2. Speciality is rude and abusive to all his colleagues, also moonlights as a Vet, an Interior Designer, a Butler, a Foreign Detective and an Undercover Cop
3. Is an Inspector
4. Drives a Land Rover

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sILlLUXUMpY

 

[stephec]

I'm just about to do the ironing, and as is my wont I'll pop the TV on and watch ITV3 or ITV4 and catch some olde detective TV show to keep my pecker up while I'm doing the deed.

And it has struck me how formulaic they are, and how much worse it has become in recent times. For example, a TV detective must meet the following criteria;

1. Unusual surname with which to name the show.

2. An unorthodox approach to police work, including a complete absence of any paperwork.

3. Must be Inspector or higher in rank.

4. Must drive an unusual car for police work, even though regs prohibit using personal vehicles.

So I thought we could all come up with our own TV detectives and see if we can get one that might appeal to a TV company.


So I'll go with...

1. Cabbage. Shirley cabbage (a man).

2. Speciality is visiting a tarot reader for clues, and wearing an early 70's corduroy sport jacket.

3. Cabbage is a DI.

4. Cabbage drives a Dacia Sandero, because cars are nothing more than tools to a man that eats and sleeps locking up villains.

You forgot to mention his boss who outwardly despairs of his methods, but really he admires him for getting the job done and nicking villains.

 

[Dogtrousers]

You forgot to mention his boss who outwardly despairs of his methods, but really he admires him for getting the job done and nicking villains.

Of course, who could forget Chief Superintendent Brussels?

 

[MichaelW2]

Harmony full name Harmonica F. Lamay
A female-gendered detectress/detectrix .
Special power: she is able to intuit means, motive and oppertunity in the complete absence of forensic evidence just by observing the body language of the suspect.
Home life is cat-based.
Vehicle: Morris Minor
Romance is limitted to sandwiches and flirtation with the Coroner, over a fresh murder victim.
Partnered with Autistic - spectrum forensic obsessed young man who always gets it wrong.

 

[Drago]

DS Bacon is the perfect foil to DI Cabbage. She's ambitious and perky and reminds Cabbage of his semi-estranged daughter (who he loves, but who is under the impression that he hates her) She's vegetarian and is constantly trying to get Cabbage to improve his diet of bacon sandwiches. She has a brief fling with another young officer DI Beans, who turns out to be a bent coppa and a bad lot.

You're disturbingly good at this!

 

[Dogtrousers]

You're disturbingly good at this!

I fear I waste a lot of time watching this rubbish.

 

[Drago]

And let us not forget PC Spud Roasters, fresh out of probation and keen to impress. DI Cabbage quite likes Roasters, but would never admit it. His conversations with the hapless Bobby range between Fatherly pep talks and all out bo*****ings, with little in between.

 

[Drago]

And there's Sergeant Bisto, the Station Sergeant. Played by an 89 year old actor and looks like he should have retired decades ago. Regularly trots out pearls of wisdom and is the only Bobby in the nick to have known DI Cabbage long enough to first-name him, even if only in private. PS Bisto will also be in charge of the Collators Office, even though the Collators died out over 30 years ago with the advent of desktop computers. Always has a mug of tea on the go and during scnese where Cabbage visits the office he always gets his digestives stolen - a recurring piece of mild amusement for regular viewers.

 

[matiz]

Chief Constable Semolina regularly Summons's D.I Cabbage to her office to to give her a 48. hour ultimatum to get a result or she's off the case.

 

[Drago]

DS "Big" Bob Paxo, the CID hard nut. Drives a capri, wears leather driving gloves to bed. Detests DI Cabbage's "poncey" intellectual crime solving methods, and is equally detested by Cabbage for his alcoholism and refusing to admit he's a virgin.

Despite this conflict in more than one episode DS Paxo has arrived at a crucial moment and rescued Cabbage from certain death by giving the bad guys a beating of a lifetime, but the hard-won respect and gratitude of Cabbage never lasts as long as the final scene. They love to hate one another. Lewis Collins was actively considering the role before being poached to do Who Dares Wins.

Albert Finney played Cabbage in the first 5 seasons. Liam Neeson filmedmonly one episode of season 6 before he was sacked for making racist comments, so Finney was brought back and his wage demands settled.

 

[stephec]

Every dodgy copper needs a snout, Wheels Blabbermouth was a top get away driver who had the choice between a 15 stretch, or having a vital piece of evidence miraculously disappear.

 

[matiz]

DS big Bob Paxo was ultimately suspended indefinitely on full pay for misgendering a eco protestor.

 

[Dogtrousers]

OK, so I asked ChatGPT

Write me a synopsis for a detective series featuring a detective with an amusing name. Introduce the characters.

"Detective Paws" is a quirky detective series that follows the investigations of Detective Rufus Paws, a sharp-witted and tenacious investigator with a nose for solving even the most puzzling crimes. Rufus has a knack for cracking cases that other detectives can't, but he also has a penchant for getting himself into trouble with his off-the-wall antics.​

Joining Rufus on his investigations is his trusty partner, Officer Whiskers, a no-nonsense feline who keeps Rufus in check and often saves him from himself. Together, Rufus and Officer Whiskers make an unlikely but formidable team, tackling everything from petty theft to high-profile murder cases in their city.​

Other recurring characters in the series include Captain Scratches, the tough but fair leader of the police department who often butts heads with Rufus but ultimately trusts his instincts; Dr. Meow, the eccentric coroner who always has a strange theory or two about the cause of death; and Lola, Rufus's charming and quirky love interest who works as a bartender at his favorite watering hole.​

With a mix of humor, suspense, and mystery, "Detective Paws" promises to be a thrilling ride that will keep audiences guessing until the very end.​

 

[Deleted member 26715]

DS Bacon is the perfect foil to DI Cabbage. She's ambitious and perky and reminds Cabbage of his semi-estranged daughter (who he loves, but who is under the impression that he hates her) She's vegetarian and is constantly trying to get Cabbage to improve his diet of bacon sandwiches. She has a brief fling with another young officer DI Beans, who turns out to be a bent coppa and a bad lot.

You forgot to mention she is a black lesbian much to the disdain of the Chief Constable who doesn't want 'any of those kinds in his force', it is still unclear if this in reference to her race or sexual preference.