Uncle Drago's agony column

[Pinno718]

Dear Readers,

I was saddened to read of Rave's problems and had booked a phone call with the prison to offer some confidential advice.

Sadly it seems he's been taken hostage by Big Bubba, who has demanded a cup of tea, a machine gun, a wedding dress, and a tub of the gritty Swarfega.

'Gritty Swarfega'... I smell a rat. You are Big Bubba.

 

[DCLane]

Sadly it seems he's been taken hostage by Big Bubba, who has demanded a cup of tea, a machine gun, a wedding dress, and a tub of the gritty Swarfega.

Calling the CC approved wedding celebrant?

 

[Speicher]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I decided to have another attempt to outsmart that Dave and impress that woman up the road.

ZZ Tops say a woman likes a sharp-dressed man also I picked up a lovely Fair Isle pullover in the charity shop and a nice pair of brown brogues. With my corduroy trousers and my Dire Straits baseball cap, I think I cut quite a dash.

I dabbed in the rusty spots on my Hunter with some Hammerite and it really looks smart. I painted the rocker cover in chrome effect paint to augment the under body view of my twin Webers. I gave the interior a good clean and polish.

I called around to pick her up with the intentions of taking her for dinner to McDonald's. I hope this isn't too ostentatious?

The first problem was that it was maybe a mistake to use GT-85 to polish the vinyl seats as she slid off the seat and got wedged underneath the dashboard.

I decided to impress her with my rorty Webers and chrome rocker cover. Unfortunately, whilst she was leaning over the engine admiring it's glorious induction roar, a HT lead popped off for some strange reason and shorted out on her blossom. A shock of several thousand Volts did not go down well. I hadn't realised she had her nipples pierced and a ring put in.

So now I am in the dog house again and I've wasted all of my efforts and the money I spent on the tickets to see a George Formby tribute act. How can I apologise and win her round again?

My Hillman also now has a miss fire. Could the short have damaged the coil? What would you suggest?

Yours faithfully,
Aubrey

It depends on whether your Hillman Hunter has a cast iron cylinder head.

Or is it a Hunter Super? From 1966 the Super had an aluminium head.

 

[Dave7]

Dear Uncle Drago, please advise my best course of action.......
That Bubba chap was really nice. He even gave me a bar of soap and said he would take me to the showers (i think he felt motherly towards me). Alas, before we could enjoy our shower the warden came to tell me I was being released due to lack of evidence.
Anyway, since my release I have had lovely phone calls from different chaps that say they are friends of Bubba. They want my address so they can call to see me with messages from Bubba. Isn't that nice, although the did both have deep scary voices and laughed a lot.
My problem is that I was always told not to give private information to people I have never met.
So, my wise and learned friend.........what do you advise as to my course of action.
Regards
Mr Todger.

 

[Pinno718]

It depends on whether your Hillman Hunter has a cast iron cylinder head.

Or is it a Hunter Super? From 1966 the Super had an aluminium head.

It was never 'super' and you definitely couldn't go hunting in it.

 

[Drago]

Dear Uncle Drago, please advise my best course of action.......
That Bubba chap was really nice. He even gave me a bar of soap and said he would take me to the showers (i think he felt motherly towards me). Alas, before we could enjoy our shower the warden came to tell me I was being released due to lack of evidence.
Anyway, since my release I have had lovely phone calls from different chaps that say they are friends of Bubba. They want my address so they can call to see me with messages from Bubba. Isn't that nice, although the did both have deep scary voices and laughed a lot.
My problem is that I was always told not to give private information to people I have never met.
So, my wise and learned friend.........what do you advise as to my course of action.
Regards
Mr Todger.

Dear Mavis,

I can understand your reluctance to hand out personal information. There are scammers everywhere!

My advice is talk ot over with your family. Next time youre on the phone to your long lost uncle in Nigeria to give him you new card details you could perhaps see what he thinks?

 

[Dave7]

Dear Mavis,

I can understand your reluctance to hand out personal information. There are scammers everywhere!

My advice is talk ot over with your family. Next time youre on the phone to your long lost uncle in Nigeria to give him you new card details you could perhaps see what he thinks?

Now, that is excellent advice. I would never have thought of it.
You know, there are some that scoff at your advice but since listening to you I have avoided all problems. Well some problems. Well im sure things will improve as I continue to follow your advice, I think, I hope.

 

[Drago]

Thank you for your kind words Ralph. I owe it all to the famous agony aunt Eva Braun, who took me under her wing and taught me the craft of agony aunting.