Viz expert needed

[abchandler]

Sid the Sexist classic:

Sid's in pub and meets a girl.

"How, pet - what's got two thumbs, speaks French ... and likes blar-jobs?"

"Moi!" (he says with thumbs pointing back at himself)

 

[abchandler]

Letters:
Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.

Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead

When crossing a one-way street always look in BOTH directions in case a large blue furniture removal lorry is reversing the wrong way up the road. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead General Infirmary

A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.

 

[Abitrary]

My favorite letter was one along the lines of:

'I'd just like to say thank you to the kind man who let me out at the junction of Leafy Lane on Thursday afternoon thereby saving me around 2 minutes on my total journey.'

 

[abchandler]

FOOL other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the kerb.

A TEASPOON placed in a glass on the back seat of your car makes a handy audible gauge for road bump severity.

TAXI drivers. Why not pop into the garage and ask them to fix your indicators lights for you so that other motorists know where the heck you're going.

 

[Abitrary]

CUT ping-pong balls into little pieces and sprinkle around your bathroom to give visitors the impression you cut your toe-nails a lot.

 

[Rhythm Thief]

I am a butcher and the letters of my name can be rearranged to spell "My job is to sell meat". Can any of your readers beat that?
Tommy Jobisselleat
Brighton.

 

[alecstilleyedye]

save money, instead of buying an expensive personal registration plate, just change your name by deed poll to match.

mr P114YTH, tipton, west mids.