Why am I farting so much...?...SERIOUSLY!

[presta]

I could fart for Britain when I was cycling regularly, really aromatic ones, ripe and rich, but my bowel has calmed down a bit since I quit cycling. Stuffed peppers make the best ones. I recall dropping one in the library once, a guy came along the aisle, turned into the bay where I was standing, then rebounded like he'd walked into a sheet of rubber.
Since I had bowel surgery I'm a bit prone to surprise farts, I don't feel them coming in time, so they slip out before I can catch them.

Sex is always the answer. More or less- can't remember which!

Sex does it. Trying to hold on to one so as not to spoil the afterglow......

 

[Fab Foodie]

This thread's just a load of guff....

 

[Peter Salt]

Lockdown and all the remote working really affected my ability to hold in farts. You don't have to do it at home and on an online call you're muted half the time.

I guess the muscles responsible for holding one in have become somewhat relaxed and are now underdeveloped.

Anyone have good tips on how to become a tight-arse again?

P.S. I already live in Yorkshire.

 

[Gravity Aided]

Lockdown and all the remote working really affected my ability to hold in farts. You don't have to do it at home and on an online call you're muted half the time.

I guess the muscles responsible for holding one in have become somewhat relaxed and are now underdeveloped.

Anyone have good tips on how to become a tight-arse again?

P.S. I already live in Yorkshire.

I think that relaxed muscles for holding it in are the natural state. I think the world may have moved on from the tight arsedness so prevalent in the 20th century. Hang loose, be natural.

 

[Gravity Aided]

Stuffed peppers make the best ones. I recall dropping one in the library once, a guy came along the aisle, turned into the bay where I was standing, then rebounded like he'd walked into a sheet of rubber.

Jamaican patties work well too. Must be the Scotch Bonnet peppers.

 

[FrothNinja]

How did the expression "fart like a trooper" come to be? Were they fed solidly on a diet of cabbage, beans, and beef to make them so notoriously windy?

 

[Once a Wheeler]

Try this from the land of Eddy Merckx:

Like chicken soup, can't do you any harm — and it is supposed to help optimize your bowel microbiology. It will probably either stop it or make you a Guinness Book of Records candidate.

 

[Fab Foodie]

Try this from the land of Eddy Merckx:
View attachment 640117
Like chicken soup, can't do you any harm — and it is supposed to help optimize your bowel microbiology. It will probably either stop it or make you a Guinness Book of Records candidate.

@Hill Wimp swears it helps her sleep. I've not yet witnessed her duvet floating off the bed.....

 

[Fab Foodie]

@Hill Wimp swears it helps her sleep. I've not yet witnessed her duvet floating off the bed.....

UPDATE: Used it last nigh in pre-bedtime drink...my duvet is in tatters...never again.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

In the Alps is known as HAFE

High Altitude Flatulent Expulsion.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

I also had a mate who use to call it an Alpine Chuff when climbing in the Alps.

 

[lazybloke]

Try this from the land of Eddy Merckx:
View attachment 640117
Like chicken soup, can't do you any harm — and it is supposed to help optimize your bowel microbiology. It will probably either stop it or make you a Guinness Book of Records candidate.

Inulin... I think fartichokes are rich in Inulin.
The horror.

 

[newts]

Many years ago when our kids were small, a group of us regularly went camping. One trip Mrs Newts had made enough shepherd's pie for everyone on the first night. Strangely this food, when mixed with copious ammounts of cider produces a lot of gas. 3 sheets to the wind it was decided to prove the theory that farts could be lit. One of the older dads (about 40 at the time) assumed the position in a folding chair with lighter in hand.

There was hesitation in the departure lounge & the lighter nervously moved closer to the ignition point than was sensible. All too quickly there was a smell of burning nylon as his shorts started to smoulder.
This wasn't the end of the matter as panic set in his body clenched so tight that the previously reluctant gas, finally expelled in a large blue/yellow flash. Next the poor fellow was rolling around on the grass trying to put his shorts out, whilst everyone else present was aching with laughter🔥🔥🔥

 

[mustang1]

You're riding at full gas huh?

 

[Gravity Aided]

Many years ago when our kids were small, a group of us regularly went camping. One trip Mrs Newts had made enough shepherd's pie for everyone on the first night. Strangely this food, when mixed with copious ammounts of cider produces a lot of gas. 3 sheets to the wind it was decided to prove the theory that farts could be lit. One of the older dads (about 40 at the time) assumed the position in a folding chair with lighter in hand.

There was hesitation in the departure lounge & the lighter nervously moved closer to the ignition point than was sensible. All too quickly there was a smell of burning nylon as his shorts started to smoulder.
This wasn't the end of the matter as panic set in his body clenched so tight that the previously reluctant gas, finally expelled in a large blue/yellow flash. Next the poor fellow was rolling around on the grass trying to put his shorts out, whilst everyone else present was aching with laughter🔥🔥🔥

I saw that happen at Uni, under similar circumstances.