Work collegues talking rubbish

[Fifelad]

At work the other week one of my collegues announced that you can "sit at 30mph comfortably" on a road bike and that the pros "set off speed cameras" whilst the later is possible, I pointed out that if he can sit comfortably at 30mph he should be a pro and a contender to win a major event. Any other cack to come from the words of your work mates ? lets hear them !

 

[Moodyman]

"I was doing about 55mph on that road."

A non-cycling colleague who recently got a mountain bike with off road knobblies and reckoned he hit this speed down a long but gentle descent.

Was the sort of road where a roadie will only just reach 35mph. I asked how he knew he was doing 55?. He said, it felt like it cause he could tell.

 

[middleagecyclist]

Them: "You were in the middle of the road"

Me: "What the other day?"

Them: "Yes. Just before the lights"

Me: " The lights that were on red? Where I was going to turn right?"

Them: "Yes. I was going to run you off the road"

Me: "Why?"

Them: "To teach you a lesson"

Me: "For what? being correctly positioned? wearing a hi-viz jacket? being a cyclist?"

Them: "Oh, don't be so serious"

Me: "You are a knob"

 

[Fifelad]

"I was doing about 55mph on that road."

A non-cycling colleague who recently got a mountain bike with off road knobblies and reckoned he hit this speed down a long but gentle descent.

Was the sort of road where a roadie will only just reach 35mph. I asked how he knew he was doing 55?. He said, it felt like it cause he could tell.

That was the jist of my collegues spiel.....

 

[Mugshot]

I'm self employed and normally am my own work colleague, but I'm good at spouting nonsense at myself.

Me: "I'm going to give it some beans and smash my best commute time home tonight"
Me: "No you wont!"
Me: "Oh yeah, well you just watch me!"
Me: "Don't worry I will!"

It's all complete and utter rubbish, everytime, my reply is to give myself a good talking to when I collapse outside my house a sweating dribbling wreck, having of course failed miserably

 

[Breedon]

I've had loads, as i work in the building trade the the banter can go on for ages.

when i change in to my lycra shorts and top i get. WHAT THE F**** ARE YOU DRESSED AS with howels of laughter i just say your just jealous of my body with more laughter.

When i wear my over shoes any thing realy to do with cycling i get ribbed BUT they dont laugh when i tell them how quick i can do that route or how many miles i can do

 

[ufkacbln]

Them: "You were in the middle of the road"

Me: "What the other day?"

Them: "Yes. Just before the lights"

Me: " The lights that were on red? Where I was going to turn right?"

Them: "Yes. I was going to run you off the road"

Me: "Why?"

Them: "To teach you a lesson"

Me: "For what? being correctly positioned? wearing a hi-viz jacket? being a cyclist?"

Them: "Oh, don't be so serious"

Me: "You are a knob"

Very similar to one of mine, in a crowded staff room

Them: "You held me up this morning by riding in the middle of the road"

Me: "Where?"

Them: "At the lights were you turn into the hospital"

Me: " Its called the primary position and it shows courtesy to other road users. It means the car in front knows you are not going to undertake, and the one behind can't overtake?"

Them: "But you shouldn't be there - its dangerous"

Me: "So you think its dangerous, but RoSPA, the IAM and the DfT don't, which one do you think I should recognise as an expert opinion."

Them: "I don't care you were in my way."

Me: "Surely you mean the queue of 5 cars,one bicycle and a red light was in the way?"

Them: "It was you who held me up!"

.. ad infinitum

 

[ufkacbln]

The same driver also holds me responsible for all crimes (real or imaginary) committed by cyclists, until one day I used the old Cycling Today reply. After a rant about a cyclist who was not wearing a helmet and asking me why!



Look at their shoes and point to them then in a clear voice :

Me: "You know Harold Shipman wore black lace up shoes?"

Them:"What"

Me: " Well if by riding a bike I am responsible for the actions of another cyclist - by wearing those shoes you must be responsible for the actions of a mass murderer?"

Them: "Of course not"

Me: ".. and there rests my case!"

 

[middleagecyclist]

Very similar to one of mine, in a crowded staff room

Them: "You held me up this morning by riding in the middle of the road"

Me: "Where?"

Them: "At the lights were you turn into the hospital"

.....

Well I never! Mine was leaving a hospital.

 

[Hip Priest]

I cycle in every day.

I enter the office in cycling clothes and carrying my helmet every day.

My boss says "Cycled in today Hip Priest?" every day.

 

[Hip Priest]

Speaking of grandiose claims, whatever happened to that poster who claimed he could sprint at 40+ mph and descend at 65mph?

 

[Mugshot]

Speaking of grandiose claims, whatever happened to that poster who claimed he could sprint at 40+ mph and descend at 65mph?

Can't remember posting about it though.

 

[MrHappyCyclist]

I cycle in every day.
I enter the office in cycling clothes and carrying my helmet every day.
My boss says "Cycled in today Hip Priest?" every day.

He's not called CJ by any chance is he?

 

[Hip Priest]

He's not called CJ by any chance is he?

I'm afraid not. It's a she. Though I shouldn't complain because she's just moved heaven & earth to get me a car park pass without any prompting from me. Nicest thing a manager has ever done for me!

 

[gaz]

The best i've had is after i got changed into my lycra shorts and walking down the stairs with my loafers on and one of the girls from HR was going the other way and said "Loving the look"