Poo before you ride?

[Dec66]

If you can go, do.

If you can't, and you're concerned that you might, factor in a coffee stop.

If you can't, and you don't want to factor in a coffee stop, take wet wipes and a carrier bag. Then perhaps keep the package handy for an inconsiderate motorist, or if you live near me, pop it over Nigel Farage's garden wall (does his lovely English roses the world of good).

Incidentally, I've been dropping bombs as I typed this. Ironic, eh?

 

[Dec66]

I seem to recall an anecdote concerning a TdF rider (maybe Sean Yates?) who had some toilet trouble on the road, did a rather sloppy one while still riding, wiped as well as he could and discarded the soiled paper. A young fan apparently thought it was a collectable souvenir and ran along the road to grab it.

Abject apologies to anyone about to have breakfast.

On the stage held the day before he died, Tommy Simpson deposited copious amounts of diahorrea all over his bike, his legs, everywhere. Some poor bugger was detailed to clean it all up.

He's probably still be with us today, had he needed the warning signs.

(Simpson, that is, not the sh!t monkey)

 

[Dec66]

That's disgusting!!! Pads are for a wee, the pockets in your jersey however....

The rolled up newspaper in the pocket of the person in front of you is an old favourite of the Kopite.

 

[HertzvanRental]

I find a chicken vindaloo and 10 pints of Futtocks 'Old Scrotum' the night before ensures my bowls are fully moved before I cycle ... In fact sometimes even before I've got out of bed ....

I have this wonderful mental image of you about to mount your cycle having had your bowls moved!!

 

[steve50]

Just arrived back at home after a busy morning, thanks for the laughs. some classic answers and suggestions in this thread, it has done my chuckle muscle a power of good

 

[Globalti]

Coffee does the job.

Oops......

 

[Smokin Joe]

The story told here:
https://www.velopress.com/2012/06/enjoy-the-entire-first-chapter-of-slaying-the-badger/

Tom Simpson asked Colin Lewis for hi cap during a Tour de France. He got the cap, nipped behind a hedge and crapped into it.

 

[shouldbeinbed]

Is that not what the padded shorts are for?

Well if they weren't padded before.......

 

[shouldbeinbed]

Wasnt it Greg Lemond had a dump in one of his domestiques caps ?

It was Lemond that had a bad dose of the squits and made an impromptu toilet out of a stack of Hinault's publicity photos when he realised the motorhome had no toilet.

©slaying the badger

Edit: haha TMN'd by @Marmion

 

[Smurfy]

Has he been yet?

If not he must have read everything available by now, and moved on to yellow pages and the telephone book.

 

[albion]

Coffee does the job.

Oops......

Jimmy Riddle says 'a good scoop of filter coffee will make you poop, but it never quite makes you shite with an instant.'

 

[winjim]

If not he must have read everything available by now, and moved on to yellow pages and the telephone book.

On Embarrassing Bodies, it was phone books that they recommended putting under one's feet in order to achieve the squatting position on the bog.

Edit: Wrong poo thread! How often does that happen?

 

[uclown2002]

These crap threads tend to run in to dozens of pages..............

 

[Dayvo]

On Embarrassing Bodies, it was phone books that they recommended putting under one's feet in order to achieve the squatting position on the bog.

Edit: Wrong poo thread! How often does that happen?

A scary book would do the trick.

 

[T.M.H.N.E.T]

A mathematician would work it out with a pencil