A duck walks in to a pub....

Globalti

Legendary Member
....and asks the barman for a pint.

"Blimey!" says the barman. "A duck that can talk!"

"Yeah? So what?" replies the duck. "I can walk, fly, swim, talk, read.... I'm even a qualified plasterer. How about that pint?"

So the duck goes and sits down with his newspaper and his pint. A few minutes later the door opens and in walks a circus ringmaster.

"Hey!" says the barman. "You ought to go and talk to that duck, he's clever! He could come and work at your circus!"

The ringmaster goes over and chats with the duck: "How about coming and working for me?" he asks.

"Okay" replies the duck, "I'm always interested in the next job.... but a circus you say? Isn't that a big tent with poles and hole in the roof and canvas walls?"

"Yes" replies the ringmaster.

"Well why the f*** would you be needing a plasterer?"
 
How did the barman know he was a ringmaster, was he wearing his top hat and tails. And If he did walk into a pub, chances are he'd be surrounded by animal rights protesters with placards. And the duck, how does he hold the trowel. I dunno, it's quite hard to believe this actually happened.
 

AndyRM

XOXO
Location
North Shields
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for corn. The bartender says "We have no corn, get out of here." So the duck leaves.

The next day he comes back and asks for corn again, and the bartender says "I told you, we don't have any corn! Get out!" So the duck leaves.

The next day he goes in again and asks for corn, and the bartender says, "For the last time, we don't have corn! If you ever come back, I'm going to nail those webbed feet of yours to the floor!" So the duck leaves.

The next day the duck comes and asks, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender says, "No, of course not. Why would a bar have nails?" The duck then says, "Good. Can I have some corn?
 

AndyRM

XOXO
Location
North Shields
Three ducks go into a bar.

'Say, what's your name?' the bartender asks the first duck.
'Huey,' was the reply.
'How's your day been, Huey?'
'Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?' said Huey.
'Oh. That's nice,' said the bartender.

He turned to the second duck, 'And what's your name?'
'Dewey,' came the answer from duck number two.
'And how's your day been, Dewey?' he asked.
'Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?'

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, 'So, you must be Louie?'

'No,' she said, batting her eyelashes.

'My name is Puddles.'
 

ianrauk

Tattooed Beat Messiah
I can see why this wasn't put in the 'Good Jokes' thread.
 

welsh dragon

Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
Three ducks walk into a bar.
the barman says to the first duck "whats your name."
the duck says "huey".
"Hi huey '" the barman says "what have you been doing today"
"Ive been in and out of puddls all day, what more could I want".

the barman turns to the second duck and say "hi whats your name".
the duck says "my name is dewey".
"What have you been doing today dewey".
"Ive been in and out of puddles all day. What more could a duck want.

the barman turned to the third duck and says "you must be loui".
"No" replied the third duck. "My name is puddles".
 

Tim Hall

Guest
Location
Crawley
Three ducks walk into a bar.
the barman says to the first duck "whats your name."
the duck says "huey".
"Hi huey '" the barman says "what have you been doing today"
"Ive been in and out of puddls all day, what more could I want".

the barman turns to the second duck and say "hi whats your name".
the duck says "my name is dewey".
"What have you been doing today dewey".
"Ive been in and out of puddles all day. What more could a duck want.

the barman turned to the third duck and says "you must be loui".
"No" replied the third duck. "My name is puddles".
Bzzt. Repetition.
 

welsh dragon

Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
Three ducks go into a bar.

'Say, what's your name?' the bartender asks the first duck.
'Huey,' was the reply.
'How's your day been, Huey?'
'Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?' said Huey.
'Oh. That's nice,' said the bartender.

He turned to the second duck, 'And what's your name?'
'Dewey,' came the answer from duck number two.
'And how's your day been, Dewey?' he asked.
'Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?'

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, 'So, you must be Louie?'

'No,' she said, batting her eyelashes.

'My name is Puddles.'

You beat me to it.
 
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