A duck walks in to a pub....

[AndyRM]

You beat me to it.

Sadly, it's one of my favourite jokes, truly pathetic.

 

[welsh dragon]

Three minutes of typing wasted.

Just think what I could have done in that time......

 

[Globalti]

Donald Duck asks Mrs Duck if she fancies a naughty weekend away. "Ooh Donald! You romantic devil." she quacks. "We haven't done that for years!"

So they check into a hotel, go up to their room and start getting their kit off. Suddenly Mrs Duck pushes Donald away. "Donald!" she says. "Don't you think we should be a bit more responsible? With all this AIDS that's around shouldn't we use a condom?"

"You're right my dear," replies Donald, "I'll get one from Room Service."

So Donald rings and a few minutes later there's a knock at the door and Room Service bloke with a condom on a silver tray.

"Thanks a lot!" says Donald taking the condom.

"My pleasure sir!" replies Room Service bloke. "Would you like me to put it on the bill for you?"

"CERTAINLY NOT!" shouts Donald. "What kind of a pervert do you think I am?"

 

[Markymark]

Just think what I could have done in that time......

....puddles?

 

[jayonabike]

I poured some water over a Duck's back yesterday.

He didn't care.

 

[Davos87]

Paddy asks Murphy, 'Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?" Murphy replies, "If they fell forwards they'd still be on the f*cking boat!

I know....... It's quackers

 

[welsh dragon]

Paddy asks Murphy, 'Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?" Murphy replies, "If they fell forwards they'd still be on the f*cking boat!

But. Where's the duck?

 

[ColinJ]

Donald Duck asks Mrs Duck if she fancies a naughty weekend away. "Ooh Donald! You romantic devil." she quacks. "We haven't done that for years!"

So they check into a hotel, go up to their room and start getting their kit off. Suddenly Mrs Duck pushes Donald away. "Donald!" she says. "Don't you think we should be a bit more responsible? With all this AIDS that's around shouldn't we use a condom?"

...

Talking of condoms ...

I was walking round the local Co-op yesterday with a friend and I spotted their bargains trolley. Rummaging around the short-dated produce, I spotted a box of 10 condoms going cheap. On closer inspection, I saw that the Use-by date was today ... I know I am getting old, but who uses 10 condoms in one night?

(I would eat rice months beyond its use-by date but I wouldn't take chances with condoms!)

 

[stephec]

Why did the pervert cross the road?


Because he was still stuck up the chicken.

 

[Aperitif]

Talking of condoms ...

I was walking round the local Co-op yesterday with a friend and I spotted their bargains trolley. Rummaging around the short-dated produce, I spotted a box of 10 condoms going cheap. On closer inspection, I saw that the Use-by date was today ... I know I am getting old, but who uses 10 condoms in one night?

(I would eat rice months beyond its use-by date but I wouldn't take chances with condoms!)

You'd be ok if you boiled them for 30 mins or so, then let them cool before putting them in your mouth, Colin. Anyway, if you spotted them going 'cheep' then they possibly could have belonged to the Dduck a few jokes up...

 

[ufkacbln]

I can see why this wasn't put in the 'Good Jokes' thread.

I can!

 

[ayceejay]

I can see why this wasn't put in the 'Good Jokes' thread.

Duck or Grouse

 

[Venod]

Talking of condoms ...

I was walking round the local Co-op yesterday with a friend and I spotted their bargains trolley. Rummaging around the short-dated produce, I spotted a box of 10 condoms going cheap. On closer inspection, I saw that the Use-by date was today ... I know I am getting old, but who uses 10 condoms in one night?

(I would eat rice months beyond its use-by date but I wouldn't take chances with condoms!)

No the rubber would get in your teeth if you ate them.

 

[gbb]

Duck walks into a bar...
Asks the barman...'Got any nails ?'
Barman replies...'Sorry, we don't do nails, this is a pub' Duck walks out.


Next night, the duck walks in the bar and asks...'Got any nails ?'
Barman looks him up and down ...'I told you last night, this is a bar and we don't do nails'...Duck walks out.

Next night, the duck walks in the bar and asks...'Got any nails ?'
Barman almost flips, 'Get the hell out my bar, next time you come in here asking for nails, i'm gonna nail your friggin beak to that bar'....duck walks out.

Next night, the duck walks in the bar and asks...'Have you got a hammer ?'
'NO I HAVNT GOT A FRIKKIN HAMMER ' explodes the barman.
..........
'Got any nails then' asks the duck.

 

[Ganymede]

Duck walks into a bar...
Asks the barman...'Got any nails ?'
Barman replies...'Sorry, we don't do nails, this is a pub' Duck walks out.


Next night, the duck walks in the bar and asks...'Got any nails ?'
Barman looks him up and down ...'I told you last night, this is a bar and we don't do nails'...Duck walks out.

Next night, the duck walks in the bar and asks...'Got any nails ?'
Barman almost flips, 'Get the hell out my bar, next time you come in here asking for nails, i'm gonna nail your friggin beak to that bar'....duck walks out.

Next night, the duck walks in the bar and asks...'Have you got a hammer ?'
'NO I HAVNT GOT A FRIKKIN HAMMER ' explodes the barman.
..........
'Got any nails then' asks the duck.

Y'see, I knew this whole joke several years ago as the Polish Rabbit Joke. Rabbit walks into a hardware store, asks "got any lightbulbs" etc. Weirdly this was long before the influx of Polish tradesmen into the UK so I have NO IDEA why the rabbit was Polish.

Anyway.

OH yeah hang on, it was set in Poland, on the understanding that Eastern European hardware stores would never have anything in stock due to, y'know, Russia n stuff. Dear God that dates me. Pre-Gorbachev