subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
A duck walks in to a pub....
- Thread starter Globalti
- Start date
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Peteaud
Veteran
- Location
- South Somerset
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a duck sitting next to him.
"Are you a duck?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The duck replied, "Well, I liked the book."
"Are you a duck?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The duck replied, "Well, I liked the book."
dan_bo
How much does it cost to Oldham?
Talking of condoms ...
I was walking round the local Co-op yesterday with a friend and I spotted their bargains trolley. Rummaging around the short-dated produce, I spotted a box of 10 condoms going cheap. On closer inspection, I saw that the Use-by date was today ... I know I am getting old, but who uses 10 condoms in one night?
(I would eat rice months beyond its use-by date but I wouldn't take chances with condoms!)
Remind me not to come to yours for calamari.
ayceejay
Guru
- Location
- Rural Quebec
A duck walked into a bar
"Quck me. that hurt" he said.
"Quck me. that hurt" he said.
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
Turbo Rider
Just can't reMember
- Location
- A compounded speck of dust
A duck hunter was out in the marsh, enjoying the beautiful hunting weather when he felt the urge to relieve himself. So he walked over to the bushes and propped his gun against a tree. Suddenly, a strong gust of wind blew and knocked his gun over, discharging it and shooting him in the genitals.
Awaking several hours later in a hospital bed, our duck hunter is approached by his doctor. "Sir," the doc begins "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is there's no internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."
"Wow, that's great!" replied the hunter. "So what's the bad news?"
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."
"Oh, well that's not so bad I guess," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly." answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the local symphony, and she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't pee in your eye."
Awaking several hours later in a hospital bed, our duck hunter is approached by his doctor. "Sir," the doc begins "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is there's no internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."
"Wow, that's great!" replied the hunter. "So what's the bad news?"
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."
"Oh, well that's not so bad I guess," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly." answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the local symphony, and she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't pee in your eye."
Spoked Wheels
Legendary Member
- Location
- Bournemouth
Now, you are still thinking like a mod
Shut Up Legs
Down Under Member
Yes, that thread's not all it's quacked up to be, so people ducked out for something different...
Fnaar
Smutmaster General
- Location
- Thumberland
Christ, i heard that so many frickin' times when my kids were kids... makes me want to smash things up.
Ganymede
Veteran
- Location
- Rural Kent
That's the one I was trying to remember...
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
Thomk
Guru
- Location
- Warwickshire
Four doctors went duck hunting one day: a GP, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. "I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." But of course by that time, the bird was gone.
Next to spot a bird flying overhead was the psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.
Finally, a third bird sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM. The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him and said. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?"
Next to spot a bird flying overhead was the psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.
Finally, a third bird sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM. The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him and said. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?"
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a duck in the front seat. "What are you doing with that duck?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo." The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the duck again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over. "I thought you were going to take that duck to the zoo!" The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
The devout farm hand lost his favourite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a duck walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The farm hand couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the duck's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the duck. "Your name is written inside the cover."
