Affairs of the heart - Relationship advice!

[biggs682]

That's my worry. The circumstances in which we met and everything the fact that she has been so helpful, supportive and knowing her has transformed my life in such a positive way (and she says she's gained loads from my help and support too) means this is a very special friendship. It's bloody inconvenient to have feelings for her but that's the way it is.

best friends are hard to find and even harder to sleep with or at least have a relationship with !

why not just try and end enjoy some one to one social nights out or in and see where it goes ?

 

[MarkF]

Ask her, it's only "life", as somebody else said, it's worse not knowing.

Men are really bad with "signals", I have been knocked back when I thought I'd been encouraged and I've also had to have women (that I've desired) pretty much have to spell it out for me having not noticed any signals at all!

 

[tyred]

I would be the first to admit to be being hopeless with signals.

Women are much better and it's already quite likely she knows (or least has a very good educated guess) that I like her - yay or nay?

 

[BigonaBianchi]

I would be the first to admit to be being hopeless with signals.

Women are much better and it's already quite likely she knows (or least has a very good educated guess) that I like her - yay or nay?

er...hello.......See that phone on the table..yes ...your phone...PICK IT UP AND CALL HER.
...

 

[rich p]

best friends are hard to find and even harder to sleep with ...
quote]

.

Tell me about it - I've been trying it on with the wife's best friend for years

 

[MarkF]

What about waiting till you are the last man left, shouldn't be long now?

 

[ufkacbln]

One thing that came to my mind.....

If you did move on and find someone else. Would this girl still be in your mind?

Would the new relationship be affected by the unanswered questions and regrets?

I may be wrong, but I get the impression that unless you find out the answer the question of what could have happened will always be the "elephant in the room"

You need the answer and will not be able get it without taking the risk

 

[ComedyPilot]

Can't offer anywhere near as good advice as already posted above.

From my personal experience, I've never been backwards at coming forwards and asking girls/ladies out, I always was in the 'sod it, just ask them, what's the worse that can happen' camp...

Sure, I got shot down more times than Douglas Bader, but I even managed to turn some refusals into dates by laughing with them about being turned down.....if that makes sense?

 

[cd365]

Personally I would sit her down and tell her that you now feel that you are ready for a relationship and does she know of anyone who might be interested in you?
You can still be friends afterwards even if it doesn't work out. You will just know each other more intimately than you did before, it doesn't have to affect friendship.

 

[Fnaar]

Try a 'subliminal' approach. Next time she calls round, have 'You're My Best Friend' by Queen and "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye on alternately, repeatedly. Then ask her to choose the next track!
Good luck, whatever happens.

 

[Crackle]

Is she a tourer, who'll take you places you've never been before, a racer, fast and furious but not good all year round, or a folder, convenient sometimes but not very practical most of the time. Answer that and you're there.




.....I know but you already had lots of good advice.......

 

[Maverick Goose]

Be brave and go for it-seize the day!

 

[Deleted member 26715]

Whatever you do, DO NOT ask for advice on a forum.

Alan...

 

[Crankarm]

Mena

I can't really speak for her but I do know that in my case, I suffered from chronic unhappiness, lack of self esteem and confidence practically all of my life stemming from an abusive childhood and I have done much work on myself in recent years - stopped drinking, lost over 4 stone in weight, got fit, had much counselling and other help and have now reached a stage that I am happy and comfortable with myself, moving forward, looking forward, feeling happy in a way I never thought possible. The only cloud on my horizon is her and what to do.

She has played a big role in creating the new me by taking me out to things I would never have had the confidence to do before. Lack of social confidence was never an issue she suffered from and she can always put a brave face on things in social situations in a way I never could. Many times in the early days, I have taken her places where she would be the life and soul of the party but cry her eyes out in the car when I was driving her home. She does seem to have really moved beyond that and it helps that she doesn't drink at the moment but the question is is it likely to stay that way.

I am gonna stick my neck out. Do not get involved with her any more than the friendship you think you currently have. You give the impression that you are both two vulnerable lonely people. If she is calling you during the night or next morning relating her immediate conquest to you then she is a pretty sad and cruel person. Even if you believe she has helped you beyond what you thought you could ever achieve she doesn't have your welfare uppermost in her mind. A genuine and sincere friend would be mindful of your feelings and not do this. You seem like a rabbit blinded by car headlights. Keep her as a friend if you want but find some else. If she really wants you she will come after you, trust me. If she doesn't then she's not the friend you thought she was nor the lover you dreamed she was. The other thing that concerns me apart from your mental states is ALCOHOL. Some one who routinely resorts to drink has issues which I guess is why you met her in the first place as you were both at the same support group. I can only see this ending badly. Take the positive aspects of the relationship, be confident and assured and find some one else who will be your true soul mate and not treat you cruelly. If you did try to have a serious relationship with her what's the likelihood that you would just be another one of her one night stands or one week stand after which she gets bored with you and moves on to some one else. Sorry to be blunt but this is a distinct possibility from what you have written.

The other thing is that men and women cannot be best friends. Sex always gets in the way. Anyway some friendships just run their course and you move on.

 

[buggi]

OMG MAN UP AND TELL HER TOMORROW!! If you don't you will always be jealous of every bloke that comes along, eventually driving a wedge between you when she meets "the one" (the one not being mr right but the one who manned up and asked her out. there is no such thing as the one, just the bloke who asked first, thus the friendship will eventually fail anyway. You could be having great sex right now!!!
if you do and she doesn't feel the same, then just accept it, don't ask her again and your friendship will be a little awkward for a while but it will survive.