Another bad joke thread…

[PaulB]

Just before the Falklands war started, Margaret Thatcher was having talks with the Argentinian president Leopoldo Galtieri.

Maggie took quite a shine to him and said, "What would you rather we do, make love or war?"

To which the President replied, "You leave me no choice you ugly cow!"

 

[PaulB]

I booked X Factor prostitute Chloe Mafia to come to my hotel room. She turned up and I told her I fancied a bit of S&M and torture.

She said," Would you liked to be whipped, nipple clamps or a bit of hot wax?"

I said," No, your singing will do."

 

[benb]

We've just had a power-cut.
I'm delighted.

 

[Speicher]

Benb what is your current situation?








Look - you wanted bad jokes!

 

[Jezston]

WARNING NASTY SICK JOKES BELOW
Do not read if you have any stitch of humanity left in you.

Spoiler

Q. What's about a foot long, pink, stiff, and makes a woman scream all night long?
A. Cot Death

Q. How do you make a baby cross?
A. Nail two together at right angles.

Q. What's funnier than a dead baby?
A. A dead baby in a clown suit.

There I feel better for getting those out of my system.

 

[benb]

A quadrilateral just wished me happy birthday.
It was a parallelogram.

 

[benb]

WARNING NASTY SICK JOKES BELOW
Do not read if you have any stitch of humanity left in you.

Spoiler

Q. What's about a foot long, pink, stiff, and makes a woman scream all night long?
A. Cot Death

Q. How do you make a baby cross?
A. Nail two together at right angles.

Q. What's funnier than a dead baby?
A. A dead baby in a clown suit.

There I feel better for getting those out of my system.

You're a bad person.

Spoiler

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
An erection

 

[NormanD]

A wife in a very sexy negligee slides into bed next to her husband and whispers into his ear "come on darling surprise me" so he fell asleep before she did!

 

[postman]

In Canada .Whats the difference between a canoe and an Australian .?



The canoe tips .

 

[PaulB]

I was shopping online and saw a horse that I rather liked.

So I clicked "Add to cart."

 

[Over The Hill]

That was in the same episode of The Big Bang Theory as my joke.

So I work out from 3bm's reply - it is just the two of us in the word who watch it.

Best US sitcom ever! Silly and clever at the same time

 

[Hover Fly]

I was on a train coming into Euston when an announcement came"... please take care when leaving the train..." So I grabbed a blokes wig.

 

[Speicher]

I took a train from Paddington. When I arrived in Oxford the Transport Police told me to get out of the driver's cab, so that they could arrest me.

 

[PaulB]

My boss reckons I'm a greedy pig and he said if I can get through a whole day at work without mentioning biscuits he'll give me a hundred quid.

Nice.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Why did the crab get arrested?

Because he wouldn't stop pinching things.