Another bad joke thread…

[CharlieB]

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

 

[Keith Oates]

You brought a smile to my lips so that's brightened my rainy day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Speicher]

Two psychiatrists greet each other. The first one says, "You're fine, how am I?"

 

[CopperBrompton]

Q: Why does it take three pre-menstrual women to change a lightbulb?
A: It just fscking does, OK?!

 

[PaulB]

I stopped my wife from getting beaten up at the weekend. I drank Fosters instead of Stella.

 

[Lizban]

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

 

[Maz]

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

he he.

Neutron goes into a pub:

Pint of lager please, how much do I owe you?
- To you, no charge.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?

To get to the same side.

 

[benb]

I was in bed with my girlfriend and she said "That's the biggest willy I've ever laid my hands on" I said "You're pulling my leg"

 

[661-Pete]

Q. Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A. To see his flat mate.
Q. Why did the hedgehog cross the road - again?
A. To show his flat mate that he had guts...

I know I shouldn't...

 

[meenaghman]

I'veheard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realising that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

 

[Hilldodger]

My Dad said "you selfish boy" so soon after I opened a fishmongers.*


*Milton Jones.

 

[PaulB]

I'veheard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realising that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

Talking of which, my wife told me she was interviewing a man last week for the role of class assistant in an infant's school. She asked him how he proposed to quieten unruly, boisterous kids down if they got too raucous. He said, "I whisper to the naughtiest one, I've got Maddie and you're next'. Strangley enough, she failed him.

 

[PaulB]

Stephen hawking came back from his first date in ten years. His glasses were smashed, broken wrist, twisted ankle and grazed knees. Apparently she stood him up.

 

[TVC]

A nice sexist one:<br /><br />What's the difference between women and string theory?<br /><br />At least two men understand string theory.