Any good jokes ... ?

[Dave7]

At a conference called Blondes Are Not All Stupid.
The presenter asks for a volunteer.
A beautiful girl puts her hand up, gives her name as Misty and goes to the stage.
The presenter says "now Misty, what is 100 minus 25.
Misty says "I don't know"
The crowd shout "give her another chance".
So the presenter says OK Misty, what is 10 minus 5?
Misty says "I don't know"
The crowd shouts "give her another chance".
So the presenter says "OK Misty, what is 2 plus 2.
Misty says 4 !!!
The crowd shout "give her another chance".

 

[Sharky]

Over a hundred years ago, two brothers claimed they could fly!

Turns out they were Wright.

 

[craigwend]

Customer:- could I have a coffee please?

Manager:- my good man, this is a proper coffee shop, you will have to be ever so much more precise.

Customer:- OK could I have a coffee you arrogant, pretentious, toffee nosed git !!

 

[Dave7]

View attachment 789311

Well I never claimed to have made it up myself.

 

[bruce1530]

There's a sandwich shop in Glasgow which has a sign "We serve two types of coffee: Wee and Big".

 

[tyred]

I trebled the value of my car today.

I put my bike in the boot.

 

[FishFright]

It's the best i can do,i hated school.there was an occasion where the School Attendance officer was called my parents were threatened if my attendance did not improve.Hated school totally.Some right barsteward teachers at Allerton Grange Leeds 17,during the 60's.They will all be dead now so i might not get sued.

Is that what lead you in the dark and mysterious world of postage ?

You don't come over as someone with a poor eduction to me

 

[DaveReading]

Is that what lead you in the dark and mysterious world of postage ?

You don't come over as someone with a poor eduction to me

True, he doesn't.

 

[Seevio]

Dammit, we're a week late. Did anyone remember to wake up Green DaY?

 

[PeteXXX]

 

[Dave7]

Yesterday I paid a guy to build a bed for the spare room.
He's taken my money and done a bunk!!

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

There's a sandwich shop in Glasgow which has a sign "We serve two types of coffee: Wee and Big".

We have one of them round here

well not exactly

the Costa Coffee serves black coffee that tastes like wee

problem with only having coffee black with no sugar
(or milk - I get annoyed when I ask for BLACK coffee and they ask if I want milk and leave room for it!!!)
is that you can actually taste the actual coffee
and it is not disguised by all the carp they put in the other stuff

just come back from Italy - their idea of an "Americano" is far smaller, far stronger and so much better that the word "far" just isn;t enough

 

[Poacher]

There's a sandwich shop in Glasgow which has a sign "We serve two types of coffee: Wee and Big".

Hmmm. Think I'll opt for the Big, if you don't mind.

 

[Gwylan]

View attachment 789300

Wednesday I think dear.

 

[PeteXXX]

Mmmmm.. Cake's tasty! 😋