Any good jokes ... ?

[Stevo 666]

 

[PeteXXX]

 

[srj10]

My friend told me his mother is in hospital and passes the time playing board games.
Any chess? I asked.
No she's gone private.

 

[Cavalol]

My missus said we need to sit down and have a chat about my immature behaviour
Like that's going to happen during conker season.

 

[tyred]

 

[Cavalol]

I was leaving the office the other day when I found the CEO standing in front of the shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
'Listen', he said, 'this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has gone home for the night. Could you make this work for me?'
'Sure' I replied, 'no problem', so I turned the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button.
'Excellent' he said, as his paper disappeared into the machine, 'I only need one copy'

 

[Electric_Andy]

I was leaving the office the other day when I found the CEO standing in front of the shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
'Listen', he said, 'this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has gone home for the night. Could you make this work for me?'
'Sure' I replied, 'no problem', so I turned the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button.
'Excellent' he said, as his paper disappeared into the machine, 'I only need one copy'

This sort of happened on Neighbours once (early 90's?), when Toadie started work at the Doctors surgery. Dr Karl asked him to copy one document, and shred another. He got them the wrong way around and shredded the important one. How we laughed I didn't get out much when I was younger

 

[Dave7]

1st guy....."I like your sports car"
2nd guy "thanks but now we've got a new. baby it's too small".
1st guy......"do you want to sell it"?
2nd guy......"three grand ok" ??
1st guy..... "DONE"
2nd guy...... "great, I think you'll make a great Dad".

 

[fritz katzenjammer]

The Shimano Pecker… come on now, it’s funny as hell…

 

[Cavalol]

Just a reminder that there is no admission fee at the aquarium this week if you're camping or dressed as a dolphin.

So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free.

 

[tyred]

 

[craigwend]

 

[steveindenmark]

Tomorrow is a concerning day for dyslexics when they have to turn their cocks black.

 

[Dave7]

'Shag' is a strange word......
• to a carpet maker it's a type of rug.
• to an ornithologist it's a type of bird.
• to a smoker it's a type of tobacco.
• to an American it's a type of dance.

While to you, my friend, it's just a remote possibility.

 

[craigwend]