Any good jokes ... ?

[Dave7]

Its a fact that in one year, 2025, there were 500 recorded cases of people going to A&E with "foreign" objects stuck up thier bum. Of these 393 were men with 2/3rds being age 50 or over.
So........my question is......why shove a "foreign" object up your bum? What's wrong with good old British made objects?
Our country is losing its identity

 

[PeteXXX]

I heard that Charles Dicken's ‘A Tale of Two Cities' was first serialised in a couple of local newspapers..

It was the Bicester Times, It was the Worcester Times.

 

[Dave7]

I was sat in a posh restaurant yesterday when I realised I needed a big fart. The background music was quite loud so I decided to let go in time to the beat.......I was quite pleased with the result.
When I looked up I noticed everyone was stirring at me.
It was then that i realised I had my earphones in and the music was from my smart phone.

 

[Tenkaykev]

Are you taking my name in vain ?

Just don't ask him to open the pod bay doors...

 

[newts]

 

[Alex321]

Its a fact that in one year, 2025, there were 500 recorded cases of people going to A&E with "foreign" objects stuck up thier bum. Of these 393 were men with 2/3rds being age 50 or over.
So........my question is......why shove a "foreign" object up your bum? What's wrong with good old British made objects?
Our country is losing its identity

I saw that on Youtube about 10 minutes ago

 

[Seevio]

I once heard a woman using the word "mansplaining" incorrectly and there was literally nothing I could do.

 

[Gwylan]

I've hung many of those lights in my working life.

I had people who made the lamps.

 

[tyred]

 

[Dave7]

2 farmers, Mick and Pat cant stand each other but find themselves in the hairdressers both having a haircut and shave.....at the same time.
When finished Mick's barber said " ok Mick, would you like some aftershave on"? Mick says "no i dont, if my wife smells that she'll think I've been to a brothel".
Pat's barber asked him the same thing and Pat replies "I will thanks, my wife doesn't know what a brothel smells like"..........

And that's how the fight started.

 

[markemark]

I had a lovely time making sandcastles with grandpa until mum got really cross and made me put him back in the urn.

 

[markemark]

Noel Edmonds is in negotiations with tv producers where to host his tv come back in Kent. Deal or no Deal.

 

[Dave7]

A guy is talking to his psychiatrist and says "before I got into drugs I had a nice 3 bed semi, a Vauxhall Astra and a steady job".
The psychiatrist asks him what his situation is now.
He says "I live in a mansion, have a 60 foot yacht and drive a Roller"

 

[Dave7]

I used to know a one legged Chinese man named Thai Won Shu.

 

[Dave7]

Do you know that if you rest one of your testicles on the neck of a bottle and hold a flame underneath, your testicle will get sucked into the bottle.
If you do and you also know how to get it out please message me.