Any good jokes ... ?

[Dayvo]

Bought one of these up these drone things up the pub last night, anyone know how to fly it?

View attachment 443551

The pilot's seat is missing.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[PaulB]

I love a good drum, you can't beat them, (pause) well actually (Ken Dodd)

I heard one Ken Dod told Radio 4 Extra a couple of days ago. I'm not a fan of long jokes (keep 'em short) but this one was very good.

My friend Simon suffered a terrible accident in a saw mill when the cutting blade ripped through him causing the worst damage doctors had ever seen. They managed to save his life but the injuries he suffered were so bad, they couldn't save his legs.

By an amazing co-incidence, his father's brother was brought into the same hospital Simon was being operated on but they couldn't save his life and he died of a heart attack.

The surgeons thought about this and the hospital did a rapid tissue match and discovered due to their family connections, they were entirely compatible and so they transplanted the donor's legs onto Simon so he wouldn't have to suffer the problems of having no legs.

All went well and Simon was immensely pleased they could do so much for him.

A few weeks later, he appeared on 'Stars in Their Eyes' and he was asked what he was going to do. He replied, 'Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Simon and Half Uncle!'

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Ming the Merciless]

I heard one Ken Dod told Radio 4 Extra a couple of days ago. I'm not a fan of long jokes (keep 'em short) but this one was very good.

My friend Simon suffered a terrible accident in a saw mill when the cutting blade ripped through him causing the worst damage doctors had ever seen. They managed to save his life but the injuries he suffered were so bad, they couldn't save his legs.

By an amazing co-incidence, his father's brother was brought into the same hospital Simon was being operated on but they couldn't save his life and he died of a heart attack.

The surgeons thought about this and the hospital did a rapid tissue match and discovered due to their family connections, they were entirely compatible and so they transplanted the donor's legs onto Simon so he wouldn't have to suffer the problems of having no legs.

All went well and Simon was immensely pleased they could do so much for him.

A few weeks later, he appeared on 'Stars in Their Eyes' and he was asked what he was going to do. He replied, 'Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Simon and Half Uncle!'

I presume an old recording as he died back in March.

 

[bruce1530]

I presume an old recording as he died back in March.

Did he?

No, Doddy...

 

[Salty seadog]

And his dad's dog?

Whaaa, Ken Dodds Dads dog's dead?

Tell me it's no so.

 

[PaulB]

I presume an old recording as he died back in March.

Radio 4 Extra is for old - and sometimes VERY old - recordings from the BBC. It's not unusual to get afternoon plays starring Orson Wells and actors of that era.

 

[Salty seadog]

Thanks.

You're welcome. It got you a TMN at least.

 

[PaulB]

It's just been announced, McVities aren't making shortbread any longer.

 

[Smokin Joe]

It's just been announced, McVities aren't making shortbread any longer.

I had to think about that...……………..but I like it.

 

[PaulB]

Not so much a joke but a real E-bay item developed its own momentum in the comments.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Man went to the doctor, who told him to face the window and stick his tongue out.

"Will that help you diagnose what's wrong with me?" the man asked.

"No," said the doctor, "but I can't stand the guy across the road."

 

[Salty seadog]

Man went to the doctor, who told him to face the window and stick his tongue out.

"Will that help you diagnose what's wrong with me?" the man asked.

"No," said the doctor, "but I can't stand the guy across the road."

Groan, that's straight out of the playground.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Groan, that's straight out of the playground.

Thank you