Any good jokes ... ?

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by cisamcgu, 31 May 2011.

  1. MontyVeda

    MontyVeda a short-tempered ill-controlled small-minded troll

    at least i nailed the delivery
     
    CarlP likes this.
  2. Arjimlad

    Arjimlad Tights of Cydonia

    Location:
    South Glos
    In the barbers when this old chap walks in. He explains that his skin is so old & wrinkled that he's having difficulty getting a really nice close shave.

    "No problem!" says the barber, producing a smooth wooden ball about the size of a king size marble.

    "Pop this in your mouth, and as I shave, roll it around inside your cheeks to tauten your skin. But be very careful not to swallow it. I had it from my father, and he had it from his father before him."

    In a little while the barber had completed a fantastic close shave.

    The old boy was very grateful. As he received his change, he asked the barber what would have happened if he'd swallowed the ball.

    "Oh, when that happens they just bring it back to me in a couple of days", says the barber.
     
  3. Cavalol

    Cavalol Veteran

    Location:
    Chester
    Take it from me, I have reverse kleptomania.
     
  4. Cavalol

    Cavalol Veteran

    Location:
    Chester
    Whoever took over Mother Teresa's hospital must have the patients of a saint.
     
  5. I went for a job interview, and they asked me what I thought was my greatest weakness. "Honesty" I replied.
    The interviewer said "I don't think that's a weakness"
    I told him, "I don't give a sh*t what you think"
     
    Slioch, Cavalol, raleighnut and 8 others like this.
  6. morrisman

    morrisman Veteran

    My doctor has prescribed me some Anti-Gloating cream
    Now all I want to do is rub it in.
     
  7. CarlP

    CarlP Boing!

    It’s like Groundhog Day.

     
  8. morrisman

    morrisman Veteran

    Scientists have grown human vocal cords in a petri dish.
    The result speak for themselves.
     
    Oldbloke, Threevok, Cavalol and 3 others like this.
  9. It just goes to show that honesty doesn't pay. None of us seem to have got the job. :sad:
     
    Mr Celine, Oldbloke, Threevok and 3 others like this.
  10. Dave7

    Dave7 Guru

    Location:
    Cheshire
    I went on a "legalise cannabis" march yesterday and the turnout was high.
     
  11. CarlP

    CarlP Boing!

    I went to a saucepan demonstration, but it had gone to pot.
     
    PaulB, Wixsteman and Threevok like this.
  12. Speicher

    Speicher Vice Admiral Moderator

    Yesterday I took a train from Paddington to Didcot.

    Today First Great Western have said they would like it back please.
     
    Cavalol, PaulB, Wixsteman and 5 others like this.
  13. CarlP

    CarlP Boing!

    I wondered what happened to that.
     
    PaulB and Speicher like this.
  14. Speicher

    Speicher Vice Admiral Moderator

    Now I recognise you! You were the rude passenger travelling without etiquette.

    :hugs:
     
    PaulB, raleighnut and CarlP like this.
  15. PaulB

    PaulB Guru

    Location:
    Colne
    What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?

    One's an animal that lives in the outback and the other's a Geordie stuck in a lift.
     
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