Any good jokes ... ?

[Nibor]

View attachment 468587

That didn't take long to get regurgitated but it is that good it deserves a second outing.

 

[further]

A friend of mine has got 2 tickets in a corporate box for the Champions League Final, Liverpool v Spurs in Madrid on Saturday 1st June.
These tickets are part of a package deal and include flights, transfers and a 2 night stay in a 5* hotel in Madrid City Centre. Unfortunately, the final is on the same day as his wedding! So if you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...… Its at Preston Registry Office, at 2pm. The brides name is Rachel - she is 5ft 8” about 9 stone, attractive, has her own house etc.

 

[srw]

Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of this year's FA cup but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.

If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...



... Ithey're in stand C, row 5, seats 31 and 32.

 

[Cavalol]

I had some good luck and bad luck yesterday. First, I found a hat full of money, and second, a guy with a saxophone chased me down the street.

 

[Cavalol]

Some bloke keeps ringing me up and singing ‘Stand and deliver’ down the ‘phone.


Kept telling him he had the wrong number but he’s adamant.

 

[CharlesF]

Turning vegan would be a big missed steak

 

[Arjimlad]

Some bloke keeps ringing me up and singing ‘Stand and deliver’ down the ‘phone.


Kept telling him he had the wrong number but he’s adamant.

Stand and Deliver, I thought, and so I did.

 

[Chris S]

A friend of mine has got 2 tickets in a corporate box for the Champions League Final, Liverpool v Spurs in Madrid on Saturday 1st June.
These tickets are part of a package deal and include flights, transfers and a 2 night stay in a 5* hotel in Madrid City Centre. Unfortunately, the final is on the same day as his wedding! So if you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...… Its at Preston Registry Office, at 2pm. The brides name is Rachel - she is 5ft 8” about 9 stone, attractive, has her own house etc.

I heard the same joke about Prince Harry and the FA Cup Final.

 

[Smokin Joe]

That's the last friggin' time I go out to dinner with a chess enthusiast. It took him 15 minutes to pass the salt.

 

[Threevok]

I've just came from a restaurant where they feed everyone with tennis rackets

The food was awful but the service was excellent

 

[swee'pea99]

I've just came from a restaurant where they feed everyone with tennis rackets

The food was awful but the service was excellent

Was that

love?

 

[Threevok]

I was going to say the following..

Mrs V asked for a Spa day for our anniversary - so I took her down to our local corner shop and...

But it looks like some other Taffy has beat me to it

https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/spar-pwllheli-anniversary-meal-wetherspoon-16359442

A husband treated his wife to a 'Spar day' on their anniversary in the shop where they met.

You can't make it up can you ?

Well I tried to but..

 

[Cavalol]

Some lad in the pub with a stutter just told us he was going to his nan's for dinner and by the end we were all singing ' Hey Jude'

 

[morrisman]

 

[roadrash]

^^^^^???????^^^^^ what am I missing