Any good jokes ... ?

[CharlesF]

Another wooden ball. Would it kill the makers of avocados to include a different toy, like a mood ring or a novelty eraser.

 

[Dayvo]

Why am I getting divorced?

Well last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my children. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday.

As I entered my office, my secretary said: "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch she invited me to her flat.

We went there and she said: "Do you mind if I go to the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my children, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

 

[CharlesF]

If I'm ever on life support, unplug me...



Then plug me back in, see if that works.

 

[betty swollocks]

There's a small German town near Munich called Pfilzerplatz, and the town is renowned for producing fine stationery. Anyway, Munich had a problem -- the thousands of stray dogs in the city were breeding with one another and overrunning the city. So the people of Munich banded together and ran the dogs out of the city. Unfortunately, the dogs appeared in Pfilzerplatz. The dogs took over everything, and the mayor decided to evacuate the town. The paper mills were shut down, and everyone left.
But a couple days later, the townsfolk, watching their town from the hills, saw smoke rising from the smokestacks. They knew no humans were left in the town, so they concluded that the dogs had learned to operate the factories.
The mayor hurried to Munich's town hall and pleaded, "You've got to help us! The mills are alive with the hounds of Munich!"

 

[PaulB]

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.

 

[EltonFrog]

Just swapped my Beatles single for an Elton John one. Goodbye Hello Goodbye, Hello Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.

I Want To Tell You, It’s A Little Bit Funny.

 

[Cavalol]

My wife has left me because of my obsession with the game 'Battleships'.

It never happened B4.

 

[Cavalol]

My wife left because of my obsession with The Dave Clark Five

I’m in pieces, bits and pieces.

 

[EltonFrog]

My wife left because of my obsession with The Dave Clark Five

I’m in pieces, bits and pieces.

I thought you’d be together till the end of time...

 

[GM]

My wife left because of my obsession with The Dave Clark Five

I’m in pieces, bits and pieces.

I bet you're glad all over now though!

 

[Seevio]

I used to think I was Paul Rogers but I'm alright now.

 

[EltonFrog]

I used to think I was Paul Rogers but I'm alright now.

You’re Free!

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

You’re Free!

Born free? As free as the wind blows?

 

[betty swollocks]

My wife left because of my obsession with The Dave Clark Five

I’m in pieces, bits and pieces.

Give it time and eventually you'll be Glad All Over.

edit. gah! @GM pipped me: never mind.

 

[PeteXXX]