Any good jokes ... ?

[Dayvo]

A Scotsman walks into a pub. Normally he'd be accompanied by an Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman but they're still in Japan watching the rugby.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

I went to the best ever burger van today.

It was so good, it had 4 Michelin tyres.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

 

[ClichéGuevara]

 

[ClichéGuevara]

Handing over my I.D. at the post office, the clerk blurts out, "You've worn a bit since this photo was taken."

"You're dead right love!" I replied. "I had it taken just before I joined your f*cking queue."

 

[ClichéGuevara]

 

[Profpointy]

View attachment 489254

Infamy, infamy, they've all got it infamy

 

[Cavalol]

My wife came home and noticed her collection of Elvis records were missing.

"Our pet lizard escaped and ate them" I told her.

"Don't lie" she shouted "where are they?"

"In the gecko."

 

[Cavalol]

I just found out that “Aaarghh” is not a real word.

I can’t express how angry that makes me.

 

[Cavalol]

I fell off the church roof trying to impress my wife. Last night in bed she said she wanted me to take the lead.

 

[Cavalol]

Don't take anything you see in a newspaper seriously.

Except fish and chips.

Even then, you should take them with a pinch of salt.

 

[EltonFrog]

My wife came home and noticed her collection of Elvis records were missing.

"Our pet lizard escaped and ate them" I told her.

"Don't lie" she shouted "where are they?"

"In the gecko."

I expect she was upset, way down.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

I expect she was upset, way down.

Don't be cruel

 

[roadrash]

I expect she was upset, way down.

she didn't believe him, she has a suspicious mind

 

[LeetleGreyCells]

she didn't believe him, she has a suspicious mind

He just wants to be her teddy bear