Any good jokes ... ?

[Supersuperleeds]

I’ve just been bitten in the leg by a bull terrier. I Googled the symptoms, and it said to elevate, and to keep comfortable and reassured. Right, I’ve held him up for 20 minutes or more and told him what a good boy he is, but now my arms are really tired, and I’m still losing a lot of blood from my leg.

Sorry I don't see the sheep pun

 

[Cavalol]

Joan Collins was rushed to hospital today, just in time to see her next husband being born.

 

[Globalti]

One fine day Donald Duck says to Daisy Duck: "Tell you what Daisy Duck, let's get a hotel room and have a romantic night away from the ducklings!"

"Ooh Donald you romantic old devil, we haven't done that for years!" replies Daisy.

So they get their room and get some champagne and pretty soon they're getting their kit off like teenage ducks. Suddenly Daisy pushes Donald away and asks: "Donald dear, don't you think with all this AIDS that's around, we should be responsible and use a condom?"

"You're right m'dear" replies Donald, "I'll call Room Service for one."

A few minutes later there's a knock on the door and there's the Room Service guy with a condom on a silver tray. "Oh thanks very much!" says Donald. " My pleasure sir!" replies the guy. "Would you like me to put it on the bill?"

"CERTAINLY NOT!" shouts Donald. "What kind of a pervert do you think I am?"

 

[colly]

I thought to myself........What a muppet

 

[Cavalol]

Guys, I've just remembered the name of the ropes on tents.

 

[Cavalol]

 

[colly]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

If I had to describe myself in one word, I would probably say "Not very good at following instructions"

 

[Cavalol]

"Doctor, doctor, my wife thinks she's a lift."

"Well, tell her to come in."

"I can't, she doesn't stop at this floor."

 

[Dayvo]

Too lazy to type it out and make it look like 'my' joke.

Yeah, yet another from FB

 

[Cavalol]

Defiance: The act of dumping your husband-to-be.

 

[Chris S]

If people from London are Cockneys and if people from Birmingham are Brummies then are people from Goole ...

 

[Threevok]

Not exacty jokes, but funny

Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2019

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-49690173

I love the fish one

 

[Cavalol]

People who like trance music are very persistent.

They just don't techno for an answer.

 

[AndyRM]