Any good jokes ... ?

[roadrash]

I remember how to ask ...…..what time is it …. I remember being told that the word "hour" is feminine...… what the feck ...how ….I don't get it why cant we have 12 hours feminine and 12 hours masculine...I mean just in the interest of fairness obviously

 

[Cavalol]

When my wife told me she used to be in a Moroccan Monkees tribute band, I didn't believe her. Then I saw her Fez....

I still can't get over the fact that Davey Jones and Peter Tork are dead. But then again, I'm a bereaver.

 

[Cavalol]

I'm not happy with my new sandwich toaster, I should have stuck with the old one.

Oh well, better the Breville you know.

 

[glasgowcyclist]

I've recently started investing in stocks - mainly beef, chicken and lamb.

This time next year I'll be a bouillionaire.

 

[Archie_tect]

In a maths lecture at Dundee University, students were told two negatives multiplied make a positive but two positives can never make a negative.

The lecturer then heard a student at the back mumble, '... aye, right."

 

[Threevok]

I'm not happy with my new sandwich toaster, I should have stuck with the old one.

Oh well, better the Breville you know.

I already did that one

 

[swee'pea99]

We haven't had the banjo ones for awhile, like...

What's the difference between a banjo & a trampoline?

People take their shoes off before they jump up & down on a trampoline.

and

If a banjo player and his banjo fall from the 12th floor, which one hits the ground first?

Who cares?

 

[glasgowcyclist]

Why do so many people take an instant dislike to the ukulele?

It saves time.

 

[Flakey]

Plus another I've done before.

What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?

A drummer.

Not a "joke" as such, more of tale.

Apparently a chap was once visiting Ronnie Scots club in London with his school age son.
Ronnie got talking to the lad.
"When I grow up - I'm going to be a drummer."
"Take your pick son - you can't do both".

 

[glasgowcyclist]

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had nae hair
So Fuzzy Wuzzy wasnae fuzzy, was he?

 

[Chris S]

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had nae hair
So Fuzzy Wuzzy wasnae fuzzy, was he?

I haven't heard that since primary school.

 

[PeteXXX]

View attachment 497391

Thats good 👍👍

Not so easy on a computer screen, but I got the gist of it.

You can also view it side on

 

[PeteXXX]

The definition of a gentleman.
A man who can play the Banjo, but doesn't.

 

[morrisman]

What's the difference between banjo players and terrorists?
Terrorists have sympathisers

 

[Cavalol]

When James Bond is out of the country, is he known as +44 07?