Any good jokes ... ?

[tyred]

Doctor: Have you been drinking enough fluids recently?
Me: I only drink fluids.

 

[Archie_tect]

Doctor: Have you been drinking enough fluids recently?
Me: I only drink fluids.

Even brake fluid, I can stop anytime I like.

 

[Cavalol]

A symptom of Coronavirus is a complete lack of taste. Thoughts and prayers to all U2 fans out there.

 

[PaulB]

I bought a ruler from Smiths. Heaven knows I'm measurable now.

 

[Cavalol]

I bought a ruler from Smiths. Heaven knows I'm measurable now.

This thread can be closed now.

 

[cyberknight]

Being under lockdown does not affect people's mental health. The toaster and microwave both agree with me on this.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7folKbch3U8

 

[Smokin Joe]

A cricket match between India and China had to be abandoned today.

The Chinese ate all the bats.

 

[tyred]

 

[Cavalol]

Got my first boy scout badge in car maintenance today, simply by fixing the horn.
Beep repaired.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[screenman]

No so much a joke, just something I said a few minutes ago.

Pam, what do you want for breakfast?
Me, a bacon sandwich would be nice.
Pam, I will just check if we have enough bread.
Me, if not I will have it in toast.

 

[Andy_R]

Roses are red
Mickeys a mouse
Don't be an peanut
Stay in your house.

 

[PaulB]

"It's important that we remember the message of Easter" - The Archbishop of Cadbury.

 

[Andy_R]

 

[anothersam]

Why do people never admit to being just the right amount of whelmed?

Your post sent me first to YouTube, which offered this clip from Ten Things I Hate About You:

View: https://youtu.be/RhUJe3vkLIs

Next, english.stackexchange:
If a boat is whelmed it means that waves are coming right up to the gunwales, the tiptop of the sides of the boat, and some water is sometimes coming into the boat. This is something you can cope with but isn't pleasant. There seems to be little use for this word in a non-jargon or metaphorical sense.

When a boat is overwhelmed, water is just pouring over the sides and into the boat. This is almost certainly going to lead to sinking, capsizing and other horrible things. The word overwhelmed became hugely popular as a metaphor for anything you can't cope with that is sinking you…

Grammarphobia, do you have anything to add?
When the word “whelm” showed up sometime before 1300 (spelled quelm or welme in Middle English), it meant to overturn or capsize, but that sense is now obsolete, according to the Oxford English Dictionary. The OED’s earliest citation is from the Northumbrian poem Cursor Mundi: Quen þe scip suld quelm and drunken (“When the ship should overturn and sink”).

Finally, back to YouTube to look for use of the word in a song. Because that's just the sort of thing I like to get up to on a Sunday afternoon.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIW5QU2lGe8

(was ready to dislike that almost as soon as it started, but its sweetness won me over)