Any good jokes ... ?

[Profpointy]

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I remember some years ago there was a fashion for Vietnamese miniature pot bellied pigs as house pets. To be fair they are quite cute and friendly, and can apparently be housetrained etc. Anyhow on TV they interviewed this couple who'd got a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig.
Unfortunately they hadn't spotted that "miniature" was missing from the description when they bought it. By this point it was the size of a sofa - and they lived in a small flat too.

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Deleted member 26715]

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What's the difference between a Buffalo & a Bison?

You can't wash your hands in a Buffalo

 

[postman]

How did Mary and Joseph get their groceries delivered?


On a Lidl donkey.

Ok I let you off this time.But next time I dob you in.It's too early for Xmas jokes.

 

[swee'pea99]

Ok I let you off this time.But next time I dob you in.It's too early for Xmas jokes.

At present.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[betty swollocks]

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of ROGET'S THESAURUS crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, perplexed, fazed, disconcerted, perturbed, disturbed and breathtaken.

 

[Deleted member 1258]

There was an old party of Lyme,
Who married three wives at one time
When they asked, "Why the third?"
He replied, "One's absurd,
And bigamy, sir, is a crime!"


There was a young girl of Darjeeling,
Who danced with such exquisite feeling,
There was never a sound
For miles around
Save of fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.

There was a young lady of Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
They returned from the ride
with the lady inside
and the smile on the face of the tiger

There was a young woman from Leeds,
who swallowed a packet of seeds,
within half an hour
her tits were in flower
and her fanny was covered in weeds.

 

[Deleted member 1258]

 

[RichardB]

When dear Lady Lowbodice swoons
Her bubbies pop out like balloons.
Her butler stands by
With hauteur in his eye
And lifts them back in with warm spoons.

 

[PaulB]

I'm not a snob but I confess that I find the overuse of foreign phrases in English conversation to be rather passé and somewhat fin de siècle.

 

[Domus]

I'm not a snob but I confess that I find the overuse of foreign phrases in English conversation to be rather passé and somewhat fin de siècle.

What a faux pas

 

[PeteXXX]

I'm not a snob but I confess that I find the overuse of foreign phrases in English conversation to be rather passé and somewhat fin de siècle.

Sacré bleu!!

 

[glasgowcyclist]

I'm not a snob but I confess that I find the overuse of foreign phrases in English conversation to be rather passé and somewhat fin de siècle.

There's a time when it was de rigueur.