Any good jokes ... ?

[Dayvo]

Apparently a genuine photograph.

 

[Cavalol]

Somebody born in ‘33 was 45 in ‘78.


Is this some sort of record?

 

[LeetleGreyCells]

** Be aware **

I ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place (I won't name them) just been to pick it up and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!! I thought what on Earth is that. Has something got in the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me. I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out from behind the prawn crackers. I thought it’s got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...

And there it was ...

... A Peking Duck!

 

[Cavalol]

Looks like my neighbours have forgiven me for flashing my bare bum at them last night.
I apologised and just took round a bunch of flowers & a bottle of wine, they seemed really pleased. In fact, I think they're over the moon.

 

[colly]

What do we want?”
“Anagrams!”
“What-ho! Wet, new mend?”
“Own!”

 

[NorthernDave]

What do we want?
An end to apathy!
When do we want it?
Well, I'm not really that bothered to be fair...

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Cavalol]

What do we want?”
“Anagrams!”
“What-ho! Wet, new mend?”
“Own!”

Brilliant.

 

[Cavalol]

For every rich tea biscuit, there are thousands of other tea biscuits living in squalor.

Think about it.

 

[NorthernDave]

I asked the man in the chippy for fish n chips twice.
He said he'd heard me the first time.

 

[Chris S]

Brine is a salt water solution. Except in Northern Ireland, where it's also a colour.

Sex is a method of reproduction. Except in Scotland, where it's also what people get their coal in.

 

[Dayvo]

What an expression!

 

[Deleted member 26715]

I asked the man in the chippy for fish n chips twice.
He said he'd heard me the first time.

You may have to explain that one there are suverners on the forum

 

[colly]

https://m.imgur.com/t/funny/AWOERaA

Probably set up but it made me laugh anyway

 

[PK99]

Belfast or Glasgow accent required....

Me to Baker: 'Is that a soufflé or a meringue?'

Baker: 'Na yer right, is a soufflé