Any good jokes ... ?

[Joey Shabadoo]

 

[colly]

 

[PaulB]

Yesterday I went down to my local supermarket and noticed that the first letter of the name above the store had fallen off. It said "ainsburys". So when, out of generosity I bought them a replacement, the manager thanked me for my largesse.

 

[CharlesF]

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Cavalol]

I met the bloke who invented crosswords last week. I can't remember his name, I think it was P something, T something R.

 

[colly]

View attachment 494266

Reminds me of a time when I put my grandaughter to bed a couple of years back. Tucked her in and said goodnight and she says she needs her tablet for the morning.

Me: 'Oh. I didn't know you were taking medicine'
Jess: 'No Grandad. Not that kind of tablet'

 

[Cavalol]

When the police asked me what I was doing at the time of the murder, I told them I was singing my baby to sleep. I couldn’t name the song, but told them I was sure my wife could provide me with a lullaby.

 

[Cavalol]

Every time I give my dog fruit, he starts crying.

He’s a melon collie.

 

[LeetleGreyCells]

Every time I give my dog fruit, he starts crying.

He’s a melon collie.

What infinite sadness...

 

[Cavalol]

Freddie Mercury’s favourite cooking oil was Bohemian Rapeseedy.

 

[betty swollocks]

Yesterday I went down to my local supermarket and noticed that the first letter of the name above the store had fallen off. It said "ainsburys". So when, out of generosity I bought them a replacement, the manager thanked me for my largesse.

I stopped a shoplifter in Sainsbury's yesterday, by sitting on him and pinning him to the (fake) marble floor.
The manager thanked me for my largasse.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[AndyRM]

 

[colly]