Any good jokes ... ?

[markemark]

Just got fired on my first day as a fluffer for accidentally watching BBC Parliament on my phone.

 

[tyred]

 

[further]

Just got fired on my first day as a fluffier for accidentally watching BBC Parliament on my phone.

what's a fluffier ????

 

[Vapin' Joe]

what's a fluffier ????

A young lady who is paid to keep male porn stars "Interested" during pauses in filming, M'lud.

 

[Sharky]

So, I’m sat at home and the wife’s on the phone. After 45 minutes she put the phone down, so I said to her, "That’s a quick phone call for you, your'e usually on it for at least 2 hours! She said "I know but it was a wrong number"

 

[kynikos]

I got a peanut lodged up my left nostril. It was ok though because I put some chocolate up there and it came out a Treat.

 

[kynikos]

The Old Man And The Beaver

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check up.

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 85-year-old replied "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child - so what do you think about that Doc ?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.

"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting and, in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.

"As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

"Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle, and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

"Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor.

The 85-year-old said "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied , "My point exactly."

 

[kynikos]

My favourite childhood memory is building sandcastles with my grandfather.

Then my mother took the urn from me.

 

[Andy_R]

As children, my grandad would roll me and my sisters down hill in old tractor tyres....what Goodyears they were....

 

[kynikos]

At my boss's funeral, I leaned down next to the coffin and whispered "Who's thinking outside the box now Gary?"

 

[kynikos]

Scientists studying the effect of cannabis on seabirds have left no tern unstoned.

 

[PeteXXX]

Local police are hunting the 'Knitting-Needle Nutter' who's stabbed six people in the ar5e in the last 48 hours.

They believe the attacker could be following some sort of pattern!

 

[tyred]

 

[Speicher]

Local police are hunting the 'Knitting-Needle Nutter' who's stabbed six people in the ar5e in the last 48 hours.

They believe the attacker could be following some sort of pattern!

It has become plain that they purl oined the weapon, but the police will needall the help they can get.

 

[Andy in Germany]

Local police are hunting the 'Knitting-Needle Nutter' who's stabbed six people in the ar5e in the last 48 hours.

They believe the attacker could be following some sort of pattern!

It has become plain that they purl oined the weapon, but the police will needall the help they can get.

I reckon you're spinning a yarn.