Any good jokes ... ?

Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.

classic33

Leg End Member
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their order.
The man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries, and a coke.”
He turns to the ostrich and asks, “What about you?”
“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.
A few minutes later, the waitress brings the food and says,
“That’ll be $9.40.”
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change. No counting. No wallet. Just the right amount.
The next day, the same thing happens.
Same order. Same ostrich. Same exact change.
This goes on for days.
Then one Friday night, the man says,
“Today I’ll have a steak, baked potato, and a salad.”
“Same,” says the ostrich.
The waitress brings the food. “That’ll be $32.62.”
Once again, the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount.
At this point, the waitress can’t hold back.
“Sir… how do you always have the exact amount of money? No matter what you order?”
The man smiles.
“Well, a few years ago, I found an old lamp in the attic. I rubbed it, and a Genie appeared. He gave me two wishes.
For the first one, I asked that anytime I needed to pay for something, I’d just reach into my pocket and find the exact amount.”
“Wow,” says the waitress. “That’s smart. You’ll never run out of money.”
“Exactly,” says the man. “Whether it’s a cup of coffee or a new car, I never need to check. It’s always just there.”
She looks at the ostrich and asks, “And the bird?”
The man sighs and says,
“For my second wish… I asked for a tall chick with long legs who’d follow me around and agree with everything I say.”
 

Legs

usually riding on Zwift...
Location
Staffordshire
It WAS better the first time…
 

icowden

Veteran
Location
Surrey
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their order.
The man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries, and a coke.”
He turns to the ostrich and asks, “What about you?”
“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.
A few minutes later, the waitress brings the food and says,
“That’ll be $9.40.”
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change. No counting. No wallet. Just the right amount.
The next day, the same thing happens.
Same order. Same ostrich. Same exact change.
This goes on for days.
Then one Friday night, the man says,
“Today I’ll have a steak, baked potato, and a salad.”
“Same,” says the ostrich.
The waitress brings the food. “That’ll be $32.62.”
Once again, the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount.
At this point, the waitress can’t hold back.
“Sir… how do you always have the exact amount of money? No matter what you order?”
The man smiles.
“Well, a few years ago, I found an old lamp in the attic. I rubbed it, and a Genie appeared. He gave me two wishes.
For the first one, I asked that anytime I needed to pay for something, I’d just reach into my pocket and find the exact amount.”
“Wow,” says the waitress. “That’s smart. You’ll never run out of money.”
“Exactly,” says the man. “Whether it’s a cup of coffee or a new car, I never need to check. It’s always just there.”
She looks at the ostrich and asks, “And the bird?”
The man sighs and says,
“For my second wish… I asked for a tall chick with long legs who’d follow me around and agree with everything I say.”

Very reminiscent of:

A man walks into a tavern. As he walked up to the bar he noticed a twelve-inch man playing the piano, so he asked the bartender, "What's that all about?" The bartender told him he that would tell him later. So the guy asked the bartender for a drink. The bartender said, "Before you get your drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make one wish." "Okay," said the guy. He went over to the magic beer bottle and rubbed it. Poof. Out came a genie. The genie, of course, said, "You have one wish." The guy thought about it and then wished for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke filled the room, and then both the genie and the guy disappeared. In a few minutes, the guy reappeared back in the bar with a million ducks all around him. The guy was astounded and said to the bartender, "Hey! I didn't want a million ducks." The bartender replied,


"Do you think I wanted a twelve-inch Pianist?
 

Cavalol

Legendary Member
Location
Chester
insidejoke.webp.586a77dea615d9c3aa256fba22736f48.jpg
 
Pat and Tommy were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft engineers in Dublin Aiport.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Pat said, 'God I wish we had something to drink Tommy !'
Tommy says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get great a buzz.
Do ya want to try it?'
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
The next morning Pat wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects.
Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It's Tommy.
Tommy says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'
Pat says, 'I feel great, how about you?'
Tommy says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'
Pat says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often..'
' Yeah, well there's just one thing.'
'What's that?'
'Have you farted yet?'
'No.'
'Well, DON’T - 'cause I'm in London. '
 

SteveO69

Well-Known Member
IMG_1243.jpeg
 
Top Bottom