Any good jokes ... ?

[Dave7]

Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the alphabet was.
I had to take a complete guess but I was right

 

[Dave7]

The difference between the Black Eyed Peas and chickpeas is that the Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song but chickpeas can only hummus one.

 

[DRM]

The difference between the Black Eyed Peas and chickpeas is that the Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song but chickpeas can only hummus one.

Baduum Tish!!!

 

[craigwend]

Baduum Tish!!!

Tahini Dish...

 

[tyred]

Don't ask me for life advice, unless you want t spend all your spare cash on bikes and live on Super Noodles.

 

[PeteXXX]

I just can’t believe how rude the suppository helpline was when I rang them!!

 

[Dave7]

A man goes to the dentist to have a tooth taken out.
When the dentist gets the syringe ready the man freaks and tells her that he cant take needles.
The dentist says she will use gas but he turns that down.
She says OK and hands him 2 small blue pills. He asks what they are and she tells him they are viagra.
He is surprised and says he never knew viagra was good for pain.
She tells him they are not good for pain........but will give him something to hold onto during the extraction.

 

[craigwend]

 

[craigwend]

 

[craigwend]

 

[Cavalol]

Pretend you're Les Dennis by putting your arm round strangers in railway stations and looking at the destination board.

 

[markemark]

Pretend you're Les Dennis by putting your arm round strangers in railway stations and looking at the destination board.

If this joke gets 10 likes I’ll give you the money myself.

 

[craigwend]

 

[tyred]

Headmaster: Sorry to bother you Mr. Smith, but your son is always causing a lot of problems at school.
Me: He causes a lot of problems at home too, but I don't call you to complain about it!

 

[simongt]

Or, a friend helps you move house.
A real friend helps you move a body - !