Any good jokes ... ?

[tyred]

 

[tyred]

 

[Cavalol]

A man killed in a shark attack whilst on honeymoon didn't suffer long.



Paramedics said he'd only been married for 17 days.

 

[Cavalol]

There was supposedly a shop selling collectors' fountain pens who were called Pen Island. They had a few problems with their first website which got a lot of interest from a different clientele from what they were after.

The amount of people I managed to get on the old 'pen island' website trick in my previous job was staggering.

 

[Moon bunny]

 

[Moon bunny]

When my Dad was settling into the senior’s home the nice person in charge of the social life asked if he had served in the military. “ We have quite a few vets” she said, “I’ll be sure they get to know each other as they’ll have lots to reminisce about”.

I told her that he had served and fought in the war and that I thought is was a great idea.

She asked what he did in the war and I told her he flew for JG11 during the Battle of Britain.

“Oh how exciting“ she exclaimed, “What did he fly”.

When I said Messerschmitt 109s you could have heard a pin drop.

Dad was just a bit too young to serve in the war, he stayed at home and worked on the farm in Saskatchewan while his older brothers went off and dealt with that business. It’s really is too bad his mind was gone when I pulled that stunt… he would have loved it.

For a short time in the late 90s and early 2000s, my father was a guide to for history students and others to various sites of interest during “ the troubles” more than a few were ex Brit soldiers, whom he always got on well with.

 

[Cavalol]

Young lad knocks the door last night
Him: 'Trick or treat??
Me: What have you come as?'
Him: 'A werewolf'
Me: 'But you're wearing normal clothes and look nothing like one'
Him: 'It's not a full moon, you d*ckhead!!

 

[tyred]

 

[craigwend]

 

[tyred]

We've delivered your parcel.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[Chris S]

My wife told me that I should embrace my mistakes. I just gave her a big hug.

 

[tyred]

I was talking to my wife and we both agreed to go out and enjoy ourselves.

I told her to leave the hall light on if she was home before me.

 

[tyred]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

A young woman went to the renowned Dr Jones for advice on how to enlarge her very small chest.
The doctor told her: “Every day after your shower, you must throw your hands in the air and proclaim, ‘Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.’”

She did this faithfully for months, and sure enough, she grew a terrific D-cup!

One morning, she was running late, hopped on the bus, and suddenly realized she had forgotten her daily ritual.

Panicked, she stood in the middle of the aisle, closed her eyes, threw her hands in the air and proclaimed:

“Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.”

A man sitting nearby leaned over and asked, “By any chance… are you a patient of Dr Jones?”

Surprised, she said, “Why yes, I am! How on earth did you know that?”

The man winked and whispered:

“Hickory dickory dock…”