Any good jokes ... ?

[tyred]

 

[PeteXXX]

If anyone’s looking for a gardener, I can recommend Little Richard.

He came round to ours and lopped all da rhubarb, he lopped bamboo...

🎶 🎶

 

[Cavalol]

To any French man who doesn't like people touching their bread: I feel your pain.

 

[tyred]

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

View attachment 813291

A lot of meetings I used to go to the balance was between
a) doing something damn stupid that I would have to fix when it inevitably went horribly wrong
and
b) doing something sensible that would actually work

so we ended up witha balance where it only went a bit wrong and I could fix it quite quickly

I learned to not wait for minutes of the meeting (which were often "creative)
and to send an email to my boss and the Chair of the meeting as soon as I got back to the office saying what we really agreed "just to confirm what I needed to be working on"

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

I should have got it earlier


but it is an IT joke

"Is it a bug or a feature"


OK OK OK - joke may be pushing it

 

[tyred]

 

[siadwell]

View attachment 813385



I should have got it earlier


but it is an IT joke

"Is it a bug or a feature"


OK OK OK - joke may be pushing it

If it's not taxed or insured, would that make it an undocumented feature?

 

[dicko]

 

[tyred]

I tried to attend a meeting for kleptomaniacs, but the seats had been all taken.

 

[tyred]

My diet has failed.

I shall now concentrate on growing taller.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

My diet has failed.

I shall now concentrate on growing taller.

When I have had my height and weight measured they sometimes forget to tell me to take my shoes off

and as I have to have pads under my heels - I probably gain a bit from that

and as my weight varies from 91 to 94 kg depending on something like the tides or the stars then I am not sure my stats are reliable on my NHS record!!

 

[tyred]

When I have had my height and weight measured they sometimes forget to tell me to take my shoes off

and as I have to have pads under my heels - I probably gain a bit from that

and as my weight varies from 91 to 94 kg depending on something like the tides or the stars then I am not sure my stats are reliable on my NHS record!!

The nurse did my BMI calculations when I was being admitted for my ankle operation.

I suspect having a huge reinforced plaster cast stuck on my leg probably skewed the results a little...

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

The nurse did my BMI calculations when I was being admitted for my ankle operation.

I suspect having a huge reinforced plaster cast stuck on my leg probably skewed the results a little...

I read something about a bloke with missing limbs who was laughing about his BMI results

apparently his BMI was quite low

wonder why??

 

[Andy in Germany]

When I have had my height and weight measured they sometimes forget to tell me to take my shoes off

and as I have to have pads under my heels - I probably gain a bit from that

and as my weight varies from 91 to 94 kg depending on something like the tides or the stars then I am not sure my stats are reliable on my NHS record!!

According to my ID I'm 170cm. I think they're 2 cm over but I don't argue.