Bring student son home now?

[Ming the Merciless]

It’s horrible worrying about your adult children. Makes you feel completely helpless.

And they will be doing the same worrying about you.

 

[Julia9054]

And they will be doing the same worrying about you.

I guess so. Except in my case, our lives haven’t changed much and we have job security whereas the whole Covid situation has s**t on both my kids‘ lives from a great height.

 

[jowwy]

I gave it a like because you sound pretty much like me and a get on mentality should be encouraged...BUT...as said up post my son has had serious mental difficulties, still does in some ways but when you contemplate some people cant get through life without self harming etc, your conscience cant be party to 'just get on with it and tough it out'. Some people simply don't have the capacity for that.

I never said tough it up.....read again what I said.

you will notice that i said, let your SON make the decision and SUPPORT if /when you can......No MTFU, no let him get on with it and, No tough love

 

[gbb]

I never said tough it up.....read again what I said.

you will notice that i said, let your SON make the decision and SUPPORT if /when you can......No MTFU, no let him get on with it and, No tough love

I wasnt saying you said it, I was relating how I'd feel about the situation...'you're (my) conscience cant be party to ....tough it out'

 

[jowwy]

I wasnt saying you said it, I was relating how I'd feel about the situation...'you're (my) conscience cant be party to ....tough it out'

At least we agree on that.......some will only see in a post what they want too see and ignore the good bits as it doesn’t suite them and the way they feel about somebody

this post was all positive and even put in some bits about my life and why I may be the way I am.......I from a very young age made all my own decisions and that’s how I carried on in life, no one to blame, no one to point the finger at if anything went wrong......totally down to me.

 

[screenman]

It’s horrible worrying about your adult children. Makes you feel completely helpless.

Mine are 46, 41 and 31, no matter how old your kids get they will always be your kids. Along with parents are never too old to embarrass their kids.

 

[gbb]

At least we agree on that.......some will only see in a post what they want too see and ignore the good bits as it doesn’t suite them and the way they feel about somebody

this post was all positive and even put in some bits about my life and why I may be the way I am.......I from a very young age made all my own decisions and that’s how I carried on in life, no one to blame, no one to point the finger at if anything went wrong......totally down to me.

But aren't we 'lucky'to have that inner strength ?. It's not luck of course, its destiny, your 'biological makeup' as I put it, just the way it is. I am strong yet I have suffered difficulties in life, my son is not and doesn't cope with difficulties, that's his lot in life, nothing will really ever change that. Not to realise that would be a failure on me. He is not me.
All said in good faith, I cant get emojis working

 

[jowwy]

But aren't we 'lucky'to have that inner strength ?. It's not luck of course, its destiny, your 'biological makeup' as I put it, just the way it is. I am strong yet I have suffered difficulties in life, my son is not and doesn't cope with difficulties, that's his lot in life, nothing will really ever change that. Not to realise that would be a failure on me. He is not me.
All said in good faith, I cant get emojis working

Agree.........I suppose I think people should do what a grew up doing and don’t see it any other way.

 

[Edwardoka]

I suppose it's inevitable that people who've never known internal mental torment will fail to understand how insidious it can be,
but I'm getting this energy from the thread 👇

I bet you can't even see the seamless edit I made to stay forum friendly

 

[Globalti]

One thing Globalti should avoid is passing his mental issues onto his son. He can worry all he likes and share it on here but any difficulties the son may be facing will only be worsened by the son is worrying about his dad worrying about him.
If he suggests coming home then support him but be prepared for some hostile reactions from the neighbours.

Like the local Bobby turning up on the doorstep as has already happened twice to one neighbour, also a newcomer like us. And he's a Scot, not English like us.

If we still lived in Lancashire I wouldn't hesitate to collect him and go into lockdown but here.... in a small village surrounded by people who hate us? Mrs Gti would have to drive down to collect him then come back by night and sneak him in the back door. Everybody knows us by sight so we couldn't go anywhere at all with our son.

 

[Edwardoka]

Like the local Bobby turning up on the doorstep as has already happened twice to one neighbour, also a newcomer like us. And he's a Scot, not English like us.

If we still lived in Lancashire I wouldn't hesitate to collect him and go into lockdown but here.... in a small village surrounded by people who hate us? Mrs Gti would have to drive down to collect him then come back by night and sneak him in the back door. Everybody knows us by sight so we couldn't go anywhere at all with our son.

I don't necessarily recommend taking this stance, but I think this would endear you to those locals who aren't nimby asshats who would like to see the busybodies taken down a peg:
"He tested negative as a precondition of coming up here, so get your nose out of other people's business, do you think you're Mrs. Mack from Take the High Road? Also, awa' an bile yer heid ya hatchet-faced auld basturt"
I can provide pronunciation guides if necessary.

 

[jowwy]

I suppose it's inevitable that people who've never known internal mental torment will fail to understand how insidious it can be,
but I'm getting this energy from the thread 👇
View attachment 555575
I bet you can't even see the seamless edit I made to stay forum friendly

Have a child at 17 and have your parents make you homeless due to It and Then see what mental torment Does........17, partner, child, no home.......

 

[HobbesOnTour]

in a small village surrounded by people who hate us?

But all the people don't hate you?
Didn't I read yesterday of talk of starting a local cycling club?

It's pretty clear that you're following your recent pattern of looking for the worst possible outcome and assuming that is the reality.

That's a real shame and there's nothing most of us can say to change that.

You could try talking to some local influential people and softening the ground, so to speak. You could get Covid tests on the assumption that they'll be negative.

What does your wife think? I ask that because, and I have to be blunt, with the way your thought process appears to be working at the moment, you are not best placed to be making such a decision.

As has been said many times, the decision is really up to your son. Perhaps a trip to a rural Scottish village under the current circumstances is not the best for him. Perhaps he has friends, other relations where you all used to live that might be more beneficial to him over the Christmas period. It may not technically be legal, but possibly neither is a midnight arrival in Scotland.

I feel for you but every time you take a negative thought and write it down here it makes it more real.
Every question you pose gets multiple answers, from one extreme to another. That would drive me around the bend.

I wish you, your wife and your son the very best

 

[BoldonLad]

Mine are 46, 41 and 31, no matter how old your kids get they will always be your kids. Along with parents are never too old to embarrass their kids.

+1

49, 48 (2 off), 46 (2off), 44, only one of whom are "biologically" mine, 2 adopted, 3 "inherited", but, all good "worry material". I do try to embarrass them as frequently as possible.

 

[screenman]

Have a child at 17 and have your parents make you homeless due to It and Then see what mental torment Does........17, partner, child, no home.......

I wear the same T-shirt as you, but I sure as hell would not want our boys to have gone through what we did. We were 17 and 18 with a 2month old when chucked out at 11o'clock one cold November night.

The one thing that does help me when I feel down and have anxiety problems has been listened to by a few on here and it works or at least helps.