Call centre transcripts

[Aint Skeered]

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Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?'
Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
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Directory Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.
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Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
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Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
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Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'.
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There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.
Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose so. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!'

 

[girofan]

Any more where these came from?
Like the last one particularly!

 

[Pete]

Here are a few more oldies....
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A woman called the Canon helpdesk because she had a problem with her printer. The techie asked her if she was “running it under Windows”. The woman responded “no, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine.”

Tech Support: “How much free space do you have on your hard drive?”
Customer: “Well, my wife likes to get up there on that internet, and she downloaded 10 hours of free space. Is that enough?”

Customer: “I would like a mouse mat, please.”
Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we have a large variety.”
Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”

Customer: “Can you copy the Internet on to this disc for me?”

Customer: “So that will get me connected to the Internet, right?”
Tech. Support: “Yes.”
Customer: “And that’s the latest version of the internet?”

Tech Support: “OK, Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter P to bring up the program manager.”
Customer: “I don’t have a P.”
Tech. Support: “On your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Tech. Support: “P on your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “I’m not going to do that!”

 

[betty swollocks]

Enjoyed those: thanks for posting.

 

[goo_mason]

Many years ago, a colleague was trying to help a client who was getting 'out of memory' issues trying to run a software floppy on their PC. One of the issues that caused this problem would be if they had some other software running on the PC, particularly if they had a mainframe session open in the background.

She asked the caller if they had mainframe open in the background, and then almost collapsed trying to stifle a fit of laughter. When she got off the phone, she couldn't stop laughing for a good five minutes. Turned out that the caller had responded with the following:

"No, but I'm standing next to a fan. Hold on.. " [sound of footsteps] "Is that any better ?"


On other occasions, we used to have difficulty explaining to users that they'd have to re-send us their data because they'd stapled their 5-and-a-quarter-inch floppy disks to the correspondence and send it in to us !

 

[Arch]

All funny, but this one:

"Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''. "

is a classic example of people not taking into account how hard it can be to pick up technical stuff. If you've learned computers bit by bit, following what your mate tells you here and bumbling along there, 'right-click' is not necessarily an intuative instruction, whereas "click the mouse button on the right" is. When I first came to Uni I was pretty new to computing and someone saying airily "open your c Drive and create a new folder" would floor me - I need to be told "Click on the icon that says my computer. OK? now, click on c.drive. Right? OK, now click on 'file'. Thats the button at the top left... that's it, and then on new, and then folder...." etc...

 

[alecstilleyedye]

On other occasions, we used to have difficulty explaining to users that they'd have to re-send us their data because they'd stapled their 5-and-a-quarter-inch floppy disks to the correspondence and send it in to us !

paper clipping cds to letters can have a similar effect ime.

 

[JamesAC]

We had complaints from a woman that all sorts of spurious letters were appearing in her documents. Eventually, someone went to her workstation to investigate. There they discovered a short-sighted woman with a huge busom. As she leaned forward to peer at the screen, her chest would rest on the keyboard and randomly press xv bmx zzx m mm ccvc


Then there was the manager chappie who gave his secretary a floppy disc every evening, and instructed her to make a copy and put it in the safe. One day, there was a computer failure, and the manager asked for the copies. The secretary opened the safe and produced .. a load of photocopies!!

 

[Globalti]

I used to know a bloke who thought there was a WC factory in a town in China called Vitreous.

 

[Twenty Inch]

PICNIC - Problem In Chair, Not In Computer.

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

I've reworked one of them:

Tech Support: “OK, Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter P to bring up the program manager.”
Customer: “I don’t have a P.”
Tech. Support: “On your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Tech. Support: “P on your keyboard, Bob.”
Pause:
Tech. Support: "Have you done it, Bob?"
Customer: “Yes, but the other people in the library are all staring at me.”

 

[ChrisKH]

And of course the old favourite about the guy who takes his computer back because the electronic cup holder is broken.




It's the open disk drive.

 

[goo_mason]

PICNIC - Problem In Chair, Not In Computer.

Can't Understand New Technology

 

[mr Mag00]

used to be stories like these on the back of the 'new scientist' one i can remember was the guy who kept calling help desk for failing pc, so after a while they sent around an engineer who discovered dozens of fridge magnets on the case of the guys desktop machine!!

there was also the instruction on a box about allowing the boxes to reach room temp to avoid condensation in the machinery and do not open until in operating temp for a number of hours however this was printed on the inside flap of the box, so you couldnt see it until you opened the box. also courtesy of 'new scientist'.

 

[trustysteed]

i'm sure most of these are urban myths!