Cheapskate tips for the credit crunch
- Thread starter Arch
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Some Viz top tips .......
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator. Sister S., Berwick
Sweetcorn fans. Save money on loo paper by simply pouring the stuff straight down the pan.
Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they`re always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc `tastes exactly like the real thing`, they won`t know any difference.
SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat.
AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
SAVE on charity donations by spending a pound on clothes at a charity shop, then selling them for 50p to another charity shop. This way you can give twice as much, at half the cost. I think.
NO TIME for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
Bearded men can obtain the appearance of an upper class Arctic explorer by simply applying Tippex to their beards, painting their noses blue, and cutting off a couple of toes. It never fails to impress the girls.
Give up smoking by sticking one cigarette from each new pack up a fat friend's arse, filter first, then replacing it in the box. The possibility of putting that one in your mouth will put you off smoking any of them.
Pretend to be Welsh by putting coal dust behind your ears, talking gibberish and singing all the time.
Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you`d no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.
Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.
OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator. Sister S., Berwick
Sweetcorn fans. Save money on loo paper by simply pouring the stuff straight down the pan.
Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they`re always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc `tastes exactly like the real thing`, they won`t know any difference.
SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat.
AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
SAVE on charity donations by spending a pound on clothes at a charity shop, then selling them for 50p to another charity shop. This way you can give twice as much, at half the cost. I think.
NO TIME for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
Bearded men can obtain the appearance of an upper class Arctic explorer by simply applying Tippex to their beards, painting their noses blue, and cutting off a couple of toes. It never fails to impress the girls.
Give up smoking by sticking one cigarette from each new pack up a fat friend's arse, filter first, then replacing it in the box. The possibility of putting that one in your mouth will put you off smoking any of them.
Pretend to be Welsh by putting coal dust behind your ears, talking gibberish and singing all the time.
Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you`d no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.
Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.
OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
Cycling Naturalist
Guru
Over The Hill said:
Is the furniture being burnt next week?
Turn down the thermostat by a degree or two; put on a sweater or sweatshirt;
Put lids on saucepans when cooking;
Use a toaster rather than the grill to do plain toast; (doesn't work for cheese on toast)
Get a pressure cooker (brilliant);
Put a couple of inches less water in your bath;
Only boil the amount of water in your kettle that you need for your tea or coffee - measure how high up the kettle one (or two (or three..)) mugs of water go, for future reference.
Turn off the central heating on Sunday lunchtimes and go to a Wetherspoon's pub. You get a roast lunch and a pint of beer and a warm room to sit in all for about £6.00.
Put lids on saucepans when cooking;
Use a toaster rather than the grill to do plain toast; (doesn't work for cheese on toast)
Get a pressure cooker (brilliant);
Put a couple of inches less water in your bath;
Only boil the amount of water in your kettle that you need for your tea or coffee - measure how high up the kettle one (or two (or three..)) mugs of water go, for future reference.
Turn off the central heating on Sunday lunchtimes and go to a Wetherspoon's pub. You get a roast lunch and a pint of beer and a warm room to sit in all for about £6.00.
swee'pea99
Squire
Then it had a poo. As you do.wafflycat said:
Over The Hill
Guru
Patrick Stevens said:Is the furniture being burnt next week?
I will see how I get on when I run out of trees!
I have a bit of forest at the end of the garden that is really overgrown and me cutting it down is saving on the tree-mans bill too.
If you have not got a dozen overgrown trees of your own then I think wood (not split into nice logs) is worth next to nothing as the value is in the time it takes to split so perhaps worth contacting all the local tree men or farmers to see if you can get some cheap or free trees from them.
Amanda P
Legendary Member
Share a bath with your spouse/other half.
This not only saves on hot water, but you may find you spend more time there together than either of you would have if alone, thus saving you from heating and lighting the other rooms of the house that one of you would have been using had you not been in the bath.
(Are we clear on this?)
If you own a pickup truck, it's amazing how often people ask you to shift things for them. Often, that includes "rubbish" to the tip. Lots of this rubbish is either combustible, and can be saved up to put in the stove in winter, or isn't actually rubbish and can be re-used or recycled.
Go shopping after you've eaten, not before. Hunger makes you buy more food.
This not only saves on hot water, but you may find you spend more time there together than either of you would have if alone, thus saving you from heating and lighting the other rooms of the house that one of you would have been using had you not been in the bath.
(Are we clear on this?)
If you own a pickup truck, it's amazing how often people ask you to shift things for them. Often, that includes "rubbish" to the tip. Lots of this rubbish is either combustible, and can be saved up to put in the stove in winter, or isn't actually rubbish and can be re-used or recycled.
Go shopping after you've eaten, not before. Hunger makes you buy more food.
Amanda P
Legendary Member
Proper tea cannot be made without a teapot.
You need a tea-cosy too. Here's mine:
If you can't find one, use an old jiffy bag.
A related tip: where I work, coffee costs 55p a cup (although it's very good). But I can boil my kettle at the company's expense, not mine. So I only drink 55p coffee when someone else is buying it for me.
You need a tea-cosy too. Here's mine:
If you can't find one, use an old jiffy bag.
A related tip: where I work, coffee costs 55p a cup (although it's very good). But I can boil my kettle at the company's expense, not mine. So I only drink 55p coffee when someone else is buying it for me.
