Dead neighbour etiquette

[Arch]

I think, among my cycling mates, a certain amount of black humour would be expected. The point being that I can't think of many who'd actually blunder into someone's grief.

Remember that as soon as someone reports having had an accident, someone will say "Is the bike alright?". Indeed, many people who have accidents, ask about the bike while they are still bleeding in the road. I think it's a way of coping, added to the fact that in moments of stress, the brain thnks of the randomest things.

I still have my late ex's Dawes Galaxy in a garage, because his Mum and I have never got round to working out what to do with it. Selling it to just anyone seems wrong, and the right person to give it to hasn't cropped up. What the widow eventually wants to do with it will depend on how precious it is to her, which will be related to how precious it was to the poor chap who died.

 

[oldfatfool]

Now is a good time to remember the lawnmower you lent him at the same time as the aforementioned bike, oh and that £200 he borrowed last week.

 

[Night Train]

When a friend and neighbour of mine died, his widow was at a loss at to what to do with all his stuff.
We talked about it and she passed a lot of useful stuff onto me as it made her feel better that it was with someone who would use it, appreciate it and who also knew her late husband.

I don't think it is tactless to discuss it as one would also be showing concern and expressing sympathy primarily. However, only do it it is is from the heart and not mercenary.

 

[Fnaar]

My own dad pre-empted issues like these by leading a fairly unremarkable life and leaving nothing of any interest or value

 

[MacB]

Depends what sort of vulture you want to be, slow and hungry or quick and fat, unless you can play a long game pretending to be caring and sharing. Higher risk of losing but easier to pretend you've done nothing wrong.

Alternatively, whether you want the bike or not, it could be neighbourly to ask if if she, or a family member, are sorting out his 'man' stuff. Be honest, explain that you've admired the bike and that you know that other things, while not of interest to you, carry value as well. Offer your help in ascertaining proper value and researching options for sale or disposal, include a fair value for the bike in this.

Now this is the important part, out of gratitude you may be offered the bike for free.....you do not accept, you insist on paying the fair value. If she really doesn't want the money then offer to donate it to a charity of her choice and provide the donation certificate as proof.

Whether you get the bike or not you will still have the satisfaction of having helped, or offered help to, someone in a time of need. You will also be able to look in the mirror without seeing a repellant reptile gazing back at you.

 

[Shaun]

I appreciate that black humour can be a way of dealing with things and assume most of the comments so far have been in that vein - rather than serious advice - but you really should be thinking of the man's widow and family at the moment, not yourself (presumably he hasn't even been laid to rest yet??!!).

It may be the case that - in time - his wife would actually like to see the bike go to someone who will get genuine pleasure from owning it. She may, when she's ready to deal with sorting out his possessions, even come and ask for your advice in how best to dispose of the collective parts and tools from his hobby. Then would be a reasonable time - gently, sensitively - to discuss it.

Otherwise, just do the right thing and let it go.

 

[ColinJ]

Tricky! I don't think I'd want to risk upsetting the grieving widow so I would never bring the subject up. If she did though, I would make her a reasonable offer for the bike and any other bits and pieces that I wanted, and emphasise how her late husband would be pleased that someone was getting the chance to enjoy using it.

I've thought about what instructions to leave about disposal of my bikes after my death. I don't have any family or friends my size who are into cycling. Even though I spent about £5,000 total on the 3 bikes, I'd be surprised if they would fetch even £1,000 if sold on eBay so it would hardly seem worthwhile.

I'm quite tempted to suggest that the bikes be auctioned on CycleChat so that somebody here could get a decent bike at a reasonable price, with any proceeds to be donated to the CycleChat hosting fund! The thing that puts me off is the thought that some cheapskate might buy one for £100 and then immediately flog it on eBay themselves for £250 ...

Oh - an idea Shaun ... As the years go by, one-by-one we CycleChatters will end up joining that great forum ride in the sky. It seems a shame to think that we will just disappear off the forum without any formal mention of what happened to us. How about an obituary sub-forum respectfully tucked away somewhere? If such a thing existed, I would leave instructions for one last post to be made there on my behalf, saying what fate had befallen me, what I thought of this place, and my feelings about riding with you lot!

 

[snorri]

My own dad pre-empted issues like these by..... leaving nothing of any interest or value

You are doing yourself down Fnaar, we all find your posts very interesting and of great value to CC.

 

[Hover Fly]

To be fair, they weren't worth much, but, still.

The models I mentioned up there /\ were made by Beeson and suchlike, people like solicitors and doctors were offering £50-100 for them, one sold for £10,000 with the others not far behind.

 

[ufkacbln]

Sorry, but this strikes me as a bit sick.
Do you really think it's on to try and get stuff from a grieving widow?
In what strange and messed-up reality is that even vaguely acceptable?

I read this as exactly the opposite....

I did not see any attempt to defraud, fiddle, coerce or anything else underhand.

 

[ufkacbln]

Tricky! I don't think I'd want to risk upsetting the grieving widow so I would never bring the subject up. If she did though, I would make her a reasonable offer for the bike and any other bits and pieces that I wanted, and emphasise how her late husband would be pleased that someone was getting the chance to enjoy using it.

I've thought about what instructions to leave about disposal of my bikes after my death. I don't have any family or friends my size who are into cycling. Even though I spent about £5,000 total on the 3 bikes, I'd be surprised if they would fetch even £1,000 if sold on eBay so it would hardly seem worthwhile.

I'm quite tempted to suggest that the bikes be auctioned on CycleChat so that somebody here could get a decent bike at a reasonable price, with any proceeds to be donated to the CycleChat hosting fund! The thing that puts me off is the thought that some cheapskate might buy one for £100 and then immediately flog it on eBay themselves for £250 ...

Oh - an idea Shaun ... As the years go by, one-by-one we CycleChatters will end up joining that great forum ride in the sky. It seems a shame to think that we will just disappear off the forum without any formal mention of what happened to us. How about an obituary sub-forum respectfully tucked away somewhere? If such a thing existed, I would leave instructions for one last post to be made there on my behalf, saying what fate had befallen me, what I thought of this place, and my feelings about riding with you lot!

Will posthumous postings count in the totals?

More seriously, this is an old Service tradition. Auctioning off a dead comrade's assets and sendingthe money to his relatives has always been the thing to do.

The equipment often goes for many times its real value, and it is a way of donating money to the family without the appearance of charity or raising the question of whether the family would accept such.

 

[Archie_tect]

Don't pile on the guilt too heavily.

If there was the remotest possibility that the bereaved widow could read this thread then the humour wouldn't have been posted but the OP set the tone and it carried on from there. I'm confident that had the OP posteda more sombre post then eveyone would have responded in kind.

CCers aren't all heartless machiavellian rogues [well perhaps just a couple....]

 

[Archie_tect]

True, I take it all back, they are all heartless, machiavellian rogues.

 

[MarkF]

I read this as exactly the opposite....

I did not see any attempt to defraud, fiddle, coerce or anything else underhand.

Thanks.

Oh dear, I thought the situation was clear but here goes...............my neighbour died, it's sad, but we were acquaintances not friends, so.. .....I didn't break down or anything when I heard the news and I wasn't as upset as when my last cat died, but, there was a degree of sadness.

We had a mutual interest in bikes, I know his wife doesn't have any interest in the garage or anything within it, the garage was rented to provide space for the deceased hobbies. I would imagine it'd be cleared and re-let, probably one ofthe first things to be taken care of after the funeral. Maybe the bikes would be sold, maybe junked, who knows? I simply asked for a suggested suitable, respectful time frame before approaching the widow, admittedly using a little black humour.

I've had my daughter agree to post the future news of my death (hopefully at least 2 decades hence) on CC, I'd hate to think of my bikes not being used.

 

[Manonabike]

Thanks.

Oh dear, I thought the situation was clear but here goes...............my neighbour died, it's sad, but we were acquaintances not friends, so.. .....I didn't break down or anything when I heard the news and I wasn't as upset as when my last cat died, but, there was a degree of sadness.

We had a mutual interest in bikes, I know his wife doesn't have any interest in the garage or anything within it, the garage was rented to provide space for the deceased hobbies. I would imagine it'd be cleared and re-let, probably one ofthe first things to be taken care of after the funeral. Maybe the bikes would be sold, maybe junked, who knows? I simply asked for a suggested suitable, respectful time frame before approaching the widow, admittedly using a little black humour.

I've had my daughter agree to post the future news of my death (hopefully at least 2 decades hence) on CC, I'd hate to think of my bikes not being used.

How do you know this? Isn't just possible that the lady might like to keep something that her old man used to enjoy?

I find it of terribly bad taste when people use any kind of humour to cover up some really twisted intention.