Dead neighbour etiquette

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Slightly OT...

My mother's sister died after a long illness, she lived in a clean, well maintained, but typically cluttered "old lady's flat"

Recently my mother had taken her to Scotland as a "last visit" to relatives and their birth place and had discussed "who got what" when she died. A list was compiled of relatives and specifc items

There were several family heirlooms, some school photos and some jewellery that my mother was promised, nothing valuable financially, but of sentimental value.

The eventual death was a sudden bout of pneumonia, so unexpected. My Mother did not feel that approachingthem at the funeral or immediately afterwards, and to leave it a couple of weeks before discussing the lists.

Last week before she did this she had a phone call form her nephew saying that they had a house clearance firm in, but retained some stuff they knew her sister would want her to have.

They arrived and gave her a zimmer frame and a pair of walking sticks as they would be "useful" as she go older.

All the family stuff is with a firm, and we are now going through the process of tracing and buying from them the items she wanted in the first place. Some has already been tipped, burnt or sold. The photos amongst them.

She regrets not being more forward.

I suppose the message is two-fold.

1. Ensure your house is in order if you want stuff to go in a particular direction
2. If you really want something then sometimes you have to "bite the bullet" and make it clear.
 
OP
OP
MarkF

MarkF

Guru
Location
Yorkshire
if I pop my clogs the bikes get buried with me - the Brommie can go in the coffin. So you can leave my grieving widow alone.

Where will you be buried? :smile:
 

Archie_tect

De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
Location
Northumberland
Exactly the same happened to Mrs A_T's aunty... extremely feisty and sensible woman who had organised all her possessions and made her will, everything set out and unambiguous. She fell, broke a hip and was taken into a hospital near her home in Cumbria.

A close nephew, on the 'other side' of the family drove up overnight from Kent, persuaded her, with the family's knowledge, that it was in her best interests to sign power of attorney paper to him. Unbeknown to the rest of the family he then proceeded to have the house slowly stripped of valuables and emptied her bank account but he kept it quiet and continued to drive up at week-ends to look after her interests as a concerned nephew would, despite the fact that local family were closer and were caring for her needs. After she was moved to a local nursing home cared for by her sister and local cousins, he arranged the sale of the house. The close family knew about the house sale because he'd said it was necessary to provide long term funds for private nursing care- everyone thought that was sensible.

After a bout of pneumonia she died and the family gathered to sort out her estate with my M-in-law and her cousin named as trustees and executors of the will- they set to and made a start on the explicit and detailed will.

There were no assets left to distribute even the small personal effects had gone... all legally transferred by the power of attourney. The will specified the balance of the money from the sale of the house to be given to charity but it had already gone.

Thankfully the family were able to move on but as you can imagine the Kent side have burnt their bridges.
Greed and avarice are terrible traits to have.... rise above them when you can.
 

Archie_tect

De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
Location
Northumberland
It is but when it comes down to it... you can't take anything with you and memories are more precious, as is a clear and untroubled conscience... if Mark has the opportunity to enjoy using his neighbour's bike then good on him. It's awkward to raise the subject but at least it's in the open and the widow can make a straightforward decision based on her own feelings at the time. If it's too painful to contemplate or if someone in the family will be bequeathed his cycling stuff, she'll simply tell him so, but that's life!
 

ColinJ

Puzzle game procrastinator!
It can be a delicate matter, disposing of the property of the dead ...

My dad loved driving but we had to force him to stop when he was becoming a danger to himself and other road users. He could never bear to part with his car though, so it sat unused in his garage for the last 3 years of his life. He used to get family members to run the engine for a few minutes every few weeks to make sure it didn't seize up. It was sad - I'm sure that he thought that he would drive again once he 'got better' which of course he never did ...

Anyway, after he died we had the problem of what to do with his car. It wasn't worth much but we felt we had to dispose of it in a way that my dad would have approved of. Fortunately, the perfect opportunity manifested itself a month or two later. My oldest friend's car failed its MOT and it wasn't cost-effective to repair it so he scrapped it. My dad had known my pal for nearly 40 years and we knew that he'd be happy for the car to be passed on to him so that's what we did. He drove the car for about 18 months before it too had to be scrapped.

It was a win-win situation. It was nice to dispose of the car in a way that my dad would have approved of and it helped out my friend who was a bit skint at the time. It wouldn't have gone down well if he had suggested the deal though ... I wouldn't have been at all happy if he had started dropping hints about the car while we were grieving!
 

Mad Doug Biker

Banned from every bar in the Galaxy
Location
Craggy Island
If I know I am going to die, then, I'll be giving some of my things away BEFORE.

Of course, it will only be if I know I AM about to die and I don't just have man flu or something. How awful would that be!?
 

Bluenite

New Member
Location
Here
It would be a whole lot easier if you all, just posted a living will in your profile. If you're not heard of within six months, it's first round your house gets it......

PS it would also help if you posted your bank details as well:whistle:
 
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