Divorce

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Right now the emotions and fears have got you caught in a whirlpool you are locked in. You have to find a way of breaking the cycle, seperating the issues and starting to deal with them one by one. Swallow your pride snd see your doctor, he can get you the health support you need. Get a lawyer, again he will help with advice about property and securing your rights. Finally talk to your HR, if they know what is going on then they can approach your case with sympathy.

As a big rufty-toughty bloke I bet you've never asked for help from anyone, but now is the time to grab support from anyone who can help.

Please eat something, when you are properly fuelled your brain will work better.
 

Hill Wimp

Fair weathered,fair minded but easily persuaded.
Best wishes BB, as several have said it will get easier and i can promise you that you will learn stuff about yourself that you never knew and much of it will be very good.
 
OP
OP
Broughtonblue
Location
Norfolk
Just to add, I should have explained better at the start.....
There are kids involved but they are actually young men! (20&21)
As the youngest is away at uni we have decided to wait and tell them when we can be together as a 'family'! So when I said she had left me, she has actually moved into the spare room, telling the other one she has done this to help us sleep as she has a really bad cough at the moment, seems plausible and seems to believable up to now! Not sure if this is a good thing but really want to tell them together. But it really is over as she is moving out next Sunday. So with this in mind I can't talk to family or friends as the kids must know before anyone else.
I work for a massive company, the biggest crisp manufacturer in the uk! So as with a firm this size they do have quite a good hr section. They have an employee assistance programme so I used it earlier and rang a councellor, who advised me to go docs asap on Monday.
 

gavroche

Getting old but not past it
Location
North Wales
I can understand how you feel as I have been there in the 80's. I am also a great believer in fate and think that everything happens for a reason. In my case, I met a better woman and have now been married for 28 years. You will come out of it and look to the future.
 
OP
OP
Broughtonblue
Location
Norfolk
My sympathies too I've been there, read the book and seen the movies, does it get easier only if you move on, if not you will end up on your own and an old fart like me.
All the best for the future, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, you just need to look for it.
Take care
Thing is DONT even know how to start looking for it, or even where

Would take her back in a heart beat, 100% sure no third party involved
 

fossyant

Ride It Like You Stole It!
Location
South Manchester
Any chance of patching thngs up if no other folk involved.
 

Saluki

World class procrastinator
So sorry to hear your news.
My ex husband asked me to move into a different bedroom, which I did. Then he moved his new GF into the marital bedroom. I was shocked to the core. I did move out PDQ afterwards (within a couple of days).

It does get easier. It will get easier when your wife has actually moved out, as strange as it sounds. I did find that when I wasn't able to actually see the ex, life was easier. I wasn't with him for 30 years though, nothing like. I found that going for a bike ride, taking the dogs out, going to a friend's house for a pizza and a whinge evening (a bit like bitch and stitch but neither of us could sew).

Please try and eat a little, even if it's just a spoonful of honey, as previously suggested by someone. Counselling is a really good idea, even if it's not really 'your thing'. The best thing is that you can say what you feel and it will never come back in to your life again. It's not like telling a friend, who then tells half the bus stop the next morning. It's definitely worth thinking about.

Can you go to a friend's place, rather than being in alone? Even going to the pictures may be better than the house to yourself.
 
OP
OP
Broughtonblue
Location
Norfolk
So sorry to hear your news.
My ex husband asked me to move into a different bedroom, which I did. Then he moved his new GF into the marital bedroom. I was shocked to the core. I did move out PDQ afterwards (within a couple of days).

It does get easier. It will get easier when your wife has actually moved out, as strange as it sounds. I did find that when I wasn't able to actually see the ex, life was easier. I wasn't with him for 30 years though, nothing like. I found that going for a bike ride, taking the dogs out, going to a friend's house for a pizza and a whinge evening (a bit like bitch and stitch but neither of us could sew).

Please try and eat a little, even if it's just a spoonful of honey, as previously suggested by someone. Counselling is a really good idea, even if it's not really 'your thing'. The best thing is that you can say what you feel and it will never come back in to your life again. It's not like telling a friend, who then tells half the bus stop the next morning. It's definitely worth thinking about.

Can you go to a friend's place, rather than being in alone? Even going to the pictures may be better than the house to yourself.
That's one of the things I can't get out my head, her with another man in the future, just writing these few words has turned on the taps again
 

Geoff Crowther

"... travel far, not fast", Ted Simon
My thoughts are with you. Can only reiterate, see your GP and definitely get some kind of exercise. Have been seriously depressed. though not for same reason, and I can confirm that talking/counselling and exercise really help. Please try and talk to friends/family, anyone you can trust. AND there's no shame in tears or feeling the way you do right now. Don't apologise but please try and enlist some help.
My very best wishes to you.
 
OP
OP
Broughtonblue
Location
Norfolk
My thoughts are with you. Can only reiterate, see your GP and definitely get some kind of exercise. Have been seriously depressed. though not for same reason, and I can confirm that talking/counselling and exercise really help. Please try and talk to friends/family, anyone you can trust. AND there's no shame in tears or feeling the way you do right now. Don't apologise but please try and enlist some help.
My very best wishes to you.
Did you take anti depressants and did they help
I'm dreading telling my elderly mum and dad,
It's all the redundancy stuff and losing the house etc, I just well up thinking about it
 
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