A ripple of excitement runs through the Cafe!
do you believe in love at first sight?
- Thread starter e-rider
- Start date
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A ripple of excitement runs through the Cafe!
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
uphillstruggler
Legendary Member
- Location
- Half way there
In that case its lust!
snorri
Legendary Member
- Location
- East coast, up a bit.
[QUOTE 1240544"]
If you didn't find someone had a attractive quality, you wouldn't even speak to them to get to know their personality.
[/quote]
I don't think that is true.
I met a young lady at work who had rather serious facial disfigurement which I have to say at first I found repulsive and I had no wish to converse. It turned out she had a very friendly and outgoing personality and within a few days I was chatting to her freely, it was as if the disfigurement had become invisible as her personality shone through.
If you didn't find someone had a attractive quality, you wouldn't even speak to them to get to know their personality.
[/quote]
I don't think that is true.
I met a young lady at work who had rather serious facial disfigurement which I have to say at first I found repulsive and I had no wish to converse. It turned out she had a very friendly and outgoing personality and within a few days I was chatting to her freely, it was as if the disfigurement had become invisible as her personality shone through.
Night Train
Maker of Things
- Location
- Greater Manchester
To say physical attraction doesn't matter to me would be false but in looking at, and getting to know, women I have found that physical atributes are very low down on the pecking order in determining my interest. That is not to say that I don't notice, or don't have assumptions based on their physical appearance following decades of people watching. But it isn't an issue to me and people that differ from my initial assumptions just add to the colour and range of my knowledge of people.
I have found that people who are seen as traditionally attractive don't have an edge in gaining my attention and will lose it rapidly if there isn't a personality and level of intelligence to back it up.
On the other hand people who are seen as not traditionally attractive are not disadvantaged in attracting my attention, sometimes someone quirky or odd will get more of my attention for being unusual. But, as above, if there isn't a personality or intelligence then I will lose interest rapidly.
What I have found in terms of physical desire is that regardless of appearance (within the range of a few personal and quirky likes and dislikes) someone who actively stimulates my mind and has a complimentary personality to mine develops an attractiveness that becomes very stimulating and arousing.
Night Train
Maker of Things
- Location
- Greater Manchester
[QUOTE 1240544"]
There have been a few replies about personality being more important, absolute nonsense. If you didn't find someone had a attractive quality, you wouldn't even speak to them to get to know their personality.
There is lots of work to show that far from being given a chance to persaude someone of their sparkling personlity, fat, ugly, smelly people get ignored. They could be the most dazzling wit in the party, but no-one will ever know.
[/quote]
There may be truth in what you say but it still comes down to something about a person being attractive to another, or not.
If the model the OP lusts after had an obnoxious personality, bad breath and appaling body odour I am sure that the initial interest would wane.
In the same way if the 'ugly' person at a party had a great personality and used it then they would be the life and soul of of the party, in their own way. But the 'ugly' person who sits sulking and farting on the corner will just be an ugly, smelly sulk alone in the corner and ignoring the attractive, smelly sulk alone in the other corner.
There have been a few replies about personality being more important, absolute nonsense. If you didn't find someone had a attractive quality, you wouldn't even speak to them to get to know their personality.
There is lots of work to show that far from being given a chance to persaude someone of their sparkling personlity, fat, ugly, smelly people get ignored. They could be the most dazzling wit in the party, but no-one will ever know.
[/quote]
There may be truth in what you say but it still comes down to something about a person being attractive to another, or not.
If the model the OP lusts after had an obnoxious personality, bad breath and appaling body odour I am sure that the initial interest would wane.
In the same way if the 'ugly' person at a party had a great personality and used it then they would be the life and soul of of the party, in their own way. But the 'ugly' person who sits sulking and farting on the corner will just be an ugly, smelly sulk alone in the corner and ignoring the attractive, smelly sulk alone in the other corner.
Fnaar
Smutmaster General
- Location
- Thumberland
I wonder if the Assos lady can crack walnuts between her thighs?
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
[QUOTE 1240553"]
As for Arch always going out with very different people, thats fine, but I think if we did a study we would find traits common to all of them.
[/quote]
I was going to say, well, they've all ditched me at some time, but even that's not true - one would have continued to see me, but I decided I didn't want to anymore because we'd grown apart (or rather he'd stayed the same and I'd changed)
Yes, they had a trait in common - intelligence. Oh, except for the thick one, but I was younger then, and more desperate.
Otherwise, I can't think of a physical characteristic they share - build, eye colour, hair colour, accent, anything.
As for Arch always going out with very different people, thats fine, but I think if we did a study we would find traits common to all of them.
[/quote]
I was going to say, well, they've all ditched me at some time, but even that's not true - one would have continued to see me, but I decided I didn't want to anymore because we'd grown apart (or rather he'd stayed the same and I'd changed)
Yes, they had a trait in common - intelligence. Oh, except for the thick one, but I was younger then, and more desperate.
Otherwise, I can't think of a physical characteristic they share - build, eye colour, hair colour, accent, anything.
[QUOTE 1240544"]
There have been a few replies about personality being more important, absolute nonsense. If you didn't find someone had a attractive quality, you wouldn't even speak to them to get to know their personality.
There is lots of work to show that far from being given a chance to persaude someone of their sparkling personlity, fat, ugly, smelly people get ignored. They could be the most dazzling wit in the party, but no-one will ever know.
[/quote]
Yup. Can agree with that.
Saw a girl in a night club and commented "You're a Goldie Hawn looki-likey." Got to know her and married her.
There have been a few replies about personality being more important, absolute nonsense. If you didn't find someone had a attractive quality, you wouldn't even speak to them to get to know their personality.
There is lots of work to show that far from being given a chance to persaude someone of their sparkling personlity, fat, ugly, smelly people get ignored. They could be the most dazzling wit in the party, but no-one will ever know.
[/quote]
Yup. Can agree with that.
Saw a girl in a night club and commented "You're a Goldie Hawn looki-likey." Got to know her and married her.
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
[QUOTE 1240559"]
Well, there you go, you tend to prefer intelligent men. Simple. A thick Brad Pitt/George Clooney/Whoever would not do it for you. (Although to be fair, I'd probably give a dim Kylie Minogue a go
) You know this from your past experience.
It does not mean you are going you are going to be rude or obnoxious to dim blokes, just that you won't invest so much time in getting to know their personality, because they are not your type. I don't know you in real life, but chances are any bloke you were serious about would have to take into account, if not enjoy cycling? He would have to be clever, he would have to have similar thoughts on green issues, and so on and so on. Like I said, it really doesn't make you bad.
[/quote]
How clever. You've done that thing where someone turns through 180 degrees and argues an opposite view.
You were arguing that we all rely on looks - no one would give an ugly person a second chance. I pointed out that I tend to prefer intelligence, and suddenly, this proves your point? Actually reading back, I notice you've actually crept round gradually to replace physical attractiveness with other qualities.
I never argued that people don't have certain preferences, merely that people don't all go on looks.
Anyway, thank you for your valued opinion that I'm not 'bad', it's a great comfort to me to know that avoiding shallow preconceptions based on looks it actually ok afterall. I can rest easy.
Well, there you go, you tend to prefer intelligent men. Simple. A thick Brad Pitt/George Clooney/Whoever would not do it for you. (Although to be fair, I'd probably give a dim Kylie Minogue a go
) You know this from your past experience.It does not mean you are going you are going to be rude or obnoxious to dim blokes, just that you won't invest so much time in getting to know their personality, because they are not your type. I don't know you in real life, but chances are any bloke you were serious about would have to take into account, if not enjoy cycling? He would have to be clever, he would have to have similar thoughts on green issues, and so on and so on. Like I said, it really doesn't make you bad.
[/quote]
How clever. You've done that thing where someone turns through 180 degrees and argues an opposite view.
You were arguing that we all rely on looks - no one would give an ugly person a second chance. I pointed out that I tend to prefer intelligence, and suddenly, this proves your point? Actually reading back, I notice you've actually crept round gradually to replace physical attractiveness with other qualities.
I never argued that people don't have certain preferences, merely that people don't all go on looks.
Anyway, thank you for your valued opinion that I'm not 'bad', it's a great comfort to me to know that avoiding shallow preconceptions based on looks it actually ok afterall. I can rest easy.
Bird Brain
New Member
Not until I meet Arch. 
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
Sweetie....Bird Brain
New Member
. got chatting to her and told her i was going to marry her . 24 years later we are still together and very much in love still .
uphillstruggler
Legendary Member
- Location
- Half way there
It's great how a throw away comment about some leg warmer and the lovely in them can spark off this sort of conversation.
I preferred the red ones if its still relevant
I preferred the red ones if its still relevant
