Embarrassing moments in life.

[Joey Shabadoo]

For some reason furniture showrooms make me fart - the most vile malodourous quiffs too. No idea why it's that kind of shop and no other.

 

[Drago]

Snubbing. verb. The action of one person trying to prove to another that they did not fart, but had actually dragged their rubber soled shoe across a lino floor.

 

[swee'pea99]

Maybe 13 or 14, Tivoli pleasure gardens in Denmark, I see my 8 year old sister standing a few feet in front of me in the audience watching some kind of performance. I work my way thru' the crowd till I'm standing right behind her, then put a hand on her shoulder, watching the show. After a few minutes the performance ends and I turn back to find my parents and, there they are. With my sister. I turn back and catch a distinctly panicky look on the face of a young girl as she quickly moves away from me in the crowd...

 

[Mugshot]

i let out a series of pop pop pop farts

I did a kitchen a few years ago for an old lady that at one stage during proceedings wandering off down the hall trumping with some gusto on each step. The thing was the lady was deaf, I have no idea if she knew the volume she was producing or just didn't care. She was being helped with the bits and bobs by her neices who I looked over at, they just stared at me stony faced. I was embarrassed for the old lady and myself.

 

[User42542]

I was on the monorail at Alton Towers, and let off a silent, but horrific guff....the carriage filled with the most vile smell you could imagine. Next thing i know, some angry lady was stood up shouting "whoever has done that, you should be ashamed, and disgusted etc...." i couldnt hold in the laughter any more, and i laughed that much, i farted again, this time not so quietly, giving away my position!!

 

[User42542]

Only this summer, my 9 year old son run into my bedroom, and farted into the fan at the bottom of our bed, and ran off sniggering as the room filled with stench! This has now somewhat started a "FartWars", whereby i will occasionally drop an F-Bomb on his head as he ties his shoelaces!

 

[Bazzer]

I remember in assembly at school the hall was silent apart form a teacher waffling in, when a distressed voice from the back half moaned, half choked out the words "who's farted?", with comedy timing so perfect I have yet to hear its equal.

At my secondary school in between hymns and announcements, we had a couple of minutes of leaning forward head bowed in prayer time. To release one at that time could cause much mirth. To have the guts (literally and figuratively), to make one rip against the wooden chairs at prayer time, gave a term's worth of kudos from all years.

 

[Oldbloke]

Many years ago our subsidiary business in Germany employed a new General manager who came over to England to visit the UK factory. I was giving him the grand tour of the shop floor, as we approached one area an operative leapt up from behind his machine wearing a Kaiser style pointed helmet and shouted "well here's the effing kraut, I've been waiting to show you this"

I was horrified but it was taken in good part thankfully...

 

[johnnyb47]

It makes me wonder if a person who cycles many miles may generally have more vocal farts than a none cyclist. We've all heard that our sit bones take some time to get used to the saddle, and lets be honest many miles of cycling must tighten up the old derriere muscles up a bit resulting in a more tuneful sound from wind :-) :-) :-)

 

[Globalti]

No, sporty folk trump more thanks to their high-carb diet, especially as they age. I put maltodextrin in my drink bottle and that gets me going but the really poisonous stuff comes from eating baked beans or quinoa, both of which I have to avoid nowadays.

 

[screenman]

Do not and I mean do not eat 500grms of sugar free wine gums. I did and survived, we were at the time away in our touring van, the wife nearly did not.

 

[johnnyb47]

Do not and I mean do not eat 500grms of sugar free wine gums. I did and survived, we were at the time away in our touring van, the wife nearly did not.

Those sugar free gums and mints are lethal. I ate a packet of those mints once ,and they played havoc on me.

 

[Globalti]

Oh yes sugar free wine gums and jelly babies are notorious for their lubricative qualities.

 

[Julia9054]

Maybe 13 or 14, Tivoli pleasure gardens in Denmark, I see my 8 year old sister standing a few feet in front of me in the audience watching some kind of performance. I work my way thru' the crowd till I'm standing right behind her, then put a hand on her shoulder, watching the show. After a few minutes the performance ends and I turn back to find my parents and, there they are. With my sister. I turn back and catch a distinctly panicky look on the face of a young girl as she quickly moves away from me in the crowd...

At a similar age, I spotted a friend from school in the shopping centre in town. Decided to greet her by taking a run up and jumping on her back piggy back styley
You can guess the rest . . .

 

[pplpilot]

I was at the tail end of a bout of the runs, big style. I was in town shopping, when the unfortunate happened. All 'soiled' I went into Next and picked up a pair of jeans and went off into the changing rooms to change, using the cleaner bits of the trousers id taken off to clean up, placing my 'soiled' jeans and boxers in a bag id found in there off I trot to the till to pay for the jeans, forgetting they had a security tag on them, the young girl serving was insistent she needed them to remove the tag, I was insisting I 'needed' to wear them, she was insisting she needed them to remove the tag and so it went on for a few minutes until I told her i'd had an 'accident' and my 'soiled' trousers was in the bag I was holding and unless she wanted me to stand there naked whilst she put them through the till and removed the tag... she called a colleague over, also a young girl to escort me to the changing rooms to help with logistics in security tag removal... Without doubt the most embarrassing 15 minutes of my life. No question. And doubtful to be beaten.