Embarrassing moments in life.

[Nonethewiser]

Farting is the funniest thing. Back in the early 80's I was working in a busy transport department and we had a two-way radio system to communicate with the drivers. One day a driver was having difficulties with his delivery and the assistant transport manager became increasingly frustrated with the guy's moaning and he suddenly stood up, keyed the mike, put it to his backside and let rip. A proper underpants buster. There followed a brief silence and then the driver came back on "are you still there? I could only hear a burst of static" I nearly wet myself and couldn't speak for a good ten minutes.

 

[swee'pea99]

At a similar age, I spotted a friend from school in the shopping centre in town. Decided to greet her by taking a run up and jumping on her back piggy back styley
You can guess the rest . . .

I once read a young woman's account of her spotting her favourite uncle sitting in the cafe he often used, tucking into his fryup, as he often did, going up behind him, leaning over his shoulder and grabbing a chip and dipping it in the yolk of an egg before popping it in her mouth. At which point he looked over his shoulder and, well, as you say, you can guess the rest...

 

[Fnaar]

About a quarter of a century ago, I had to have some minor surgery on my 'sausage', after sex on a sandy beach in Portugal made some unfortunate sand/skin -interface friction damage
I returned to Blighty for the op, going to local hospital near where my mum lived.
The op was under local anaesthetic. The nurse came to administer the injection to said private part.
She said to the doc, "Doctor, I feel I have to declare that I know the patient" (or words to that effect).
It was my mum's neighbour. Having my todger poking out of the green sheet which covered most of the rest of my body at the the time, I replied "Well, you've seen it now, so we might as well just get on with it" (which we did).
I didn't see her often, but if I saw her when I visited my mum, she would stifle a giggle and sort of run inside

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

I once read a young woman's account of her spotting her favourite uncle sitting in the cafe he often used, tucking into his fryup, as he often did, going up behind him, leaning over his shoulder and grabbing a chip and dipping it in the yolk of an egg before popping it in her mouth. At which point he looked over his shoulder and, well, as you say, you can guess the rest...

Bill Murray does the same thing to tourists in his home town. As he steals a morsel from their plate he smiles and says " Nobody will believe you"

 

[Lavender Rose]

About a quarter of a century ago, I had to have some minor surgery on my 'sausage', after sex on a sandy beach in Portugal made some unortunate sand/skin -interface friction damage
I returned to Blighty for the op, going to local hospital near where my mum lived.
The op was under local anaesthetic. The nurse came to administer the injection to said private part.
She said to the doc, "Doctor, I feel I have to declare that I know the patient" (or words to that effect).
It was my mum's neighbour. Having my todger poking out of the green sheet which covered most of the rest of my body at the the time, I replied "Well, you've seen it now, so we might as well just get on with it" (which we did).
I didn't see her often, but if I saw her when I visited my mum, she would stifle a giggle and sort of run inside

Good god - this is a cracking story @Fnaar - I cannot even match that...

Well my embarrassing moment was clothes shopping, I bumped into a mannequin. This is how it went.

*bumps into mannequin*
Me: ooh gosh..sorry I bumped into you (not realising it was a mannequin)
Mannequin: -----
Me: Oh wow....and now I'm talking to a mannequin
Mannequin: -----
Me: This is awkward....good day! *strolls off*

EDIT: I forgot to add that I knocked the mannequins handbag off her shoulder (it was a fair knock into her tbh) and then as well as apologizing for knocking her, I helped put her handbag on STILL apologizing

WHAT A NOB! hehe

 

[tony111]

I was walking across the car park at work and a really attractive woman asked me where the office was where she could pick up her staff ID badge. I would normally have just pointed in the direction of the building and tell her to go in the 2nd door on the left, but no I wanted to show her. Big mistake, during my first 5 steps I farted 3 times, totally unexpected, didn't feel one coming at all. Anyway, I just pointed to the building and told her to take the 2nd door on the left.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Ah, a "nervous farter". Quite common I believe.

 

[Lavender Rose]

[QUOTE 5021750, member: 45"]Not me (honestly) but a close friend, not long out of school and settling into his company car and nights away on site visits. On the way up north one morning he stopped at a service station and, in the throes of his youthful libido, chose a magazine from the top shelf. He waited until the shop was as quiet as he thought it could get, walked up to the till and placed the magazine on the counter. As he did so, a tannoy announced that as it was now coming up to 11:00am on 11th of November, the site would be observing a two minute silence.

Said friend had to stand, in silence, at the front of a growing queue, for two whole minutes, with a copy of Razzle in full view in front of him on the counter. While he and the young shop assistant tried desperately to avoid eye contact.


And no, honestly, it wasn't me.[/QUOTE]

The amount of denial, is very suspicious in honesty....

 

[presta]

I dropped a particularly ripe one in the library once. As I stood basking in the aroma, a guy came walking along the aisle, turned into the bay where I was, and then rebounded as if he'd just walked into a glass door.

After I first learned to swim, I spent quite a few weeks training myself to swim a length of the pool underwater. On the day I finally achieved my objective, I arrived at the deep end, and frantic for air, clambered my way up the end wall to the surface. Unfortunately, I emerged right between a pretty girl's legs, and then face to face with her, blurted out triumphantly "I've been trying to do that for ages!".

I was walking across the car park at work and a really attractive woman asked me where the office was where she could pick up her staff ID badge. I would normally have just pointed in the direction of the building and tell her to go in the 2nd door on the left, but no I wanted to show her. Big mistake, during my first 5 steps I farted 3 times, totally unexpected, didn't feel one coming at all. Anyway, I just pointed to the building and told her to take the 2nd door on the left.

I let one slip as I was framing a photo of Scotney Castle once. The woman behind said "pardon!", so I said "not you as well?".

 

[Dave7]

Do you think cyclists fart more often than the average person?
A friend was telling me that, years ago, his friend had managed to cop off with a beautiful girl........from a wealthy family.... and after some weeks was invited to the family home for a meal.
Whether it was nerves he didn't know but he desperately needed a number 2 but couldn't bring himself to ask. eventually he had to ask where the loo was but as he walked off, every step was accompanied by a loud fart.
As I could visualise it I was nearly crying as he told me the story.

 

[Arjimlad]

With the occasional non-methane interruption this thread probably needs a different title, may I suggest "Gone with the Wind" ?

I well recall sitting on the carpet at the start of a drama lesson & letting one rip to the amusement of all, including the teacher. And those plastic chairs in the school hall after exam papers had been completed.

However, my most embarrassing recent endeavour was when I had to go to an afternoon meeting in Oxford. I stupidly accepted a second cup of tea before setting out.

When I got to the Park & Ride car park it took ages to park & I looked around in vain for a loo. With no porcelain in sight I drove to the farthest flung outer reaches of the car park & parked up next to a hedge. Hopping (literally) out of the car I proceeded to relieve myself into the hedge. As matters reached their conclusion I looked around rather more carefully to see some lass sitting in her car (which I had presumed to be parked up & empty) laughing at my predicament.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Laughing at your predicament?

Never heard it called that before

 

[Oldbloke]

As I walked out on the jetty to where my sailing dinghy was tied up, I passed a group of "trainee" sailors being given instruction by a tutor.

Jauntily hopping onto the front of the dinghy to show them how it's done caused an instant capsize with me caught underneath. Had to wait for the howls of laughter to subside before climbing out of the water....

 

[presta]

I proceeded to relieve myself into the hedge. As matters reached their conclusion I looked around rather more carefully to see some lass sitting in her car (which I had presumed to be parked up & empty) laughing at my predicament.

I stopped for a pee behind a hedge once, it wasn't until the end of the performance that I noticed the camera put in the bushes right in front of me to catch fly tippers. On another occasion I took one step too close to the hedge, and disappeared feet first into a ditch full of nettles.

 

[Lavender Rose]

OMG YOU MEN AND TOILET STORIES......

I have no idea of this as Princesses don't poop...