Favourite Insults

[Profpointy]

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music"

"I would challenge you to a battle of wits but I see you are unarmed"

 

[Moon bunny]

Another twit thinks he’s Oscar Wilde.

 

[Reynard]

I quite like throttlebottom

Or... He's like a three day old mackerel - he shines by moonlight and stinks.

 

[Kestevan]

I wouldn't p*** in his mouth if his teeth were on fire....

 

[neil_merseyside]

More teeth than brain cells!

 

[Reynard]

The only bright bit of him is the seat of his pants.

(An insult originally directed at Dennis Skinner)

 

[Chris S]

I'm not sure whether this was an insult or a complement, "I thought size mattered till I met you."

 

[presta]

There was a scantily clad young lass on Twitter flaunting what she'd got and boasting about it, so another woman replied:
"What does the label in your knickers say, Next!?"

 

[Regular.Cyclist]

One of my favourites in Scotland is a phrase used to tell someone that they are talking nonsense.

It’s ’Yer @rse in parsley’.

 

[presta]

The only bright bit of him is the seat of his pants.

(An insult originally directed at Dennis Skinner)

"Half the members opposite are liars"
"Take that back!"
"Half the members opposite are not liars"

 

[Punkawallah]

Not wishing too fall foul of the swear filter I'll leave this here:


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‘Chicken Orinoco’? Don’t get it . . .

 

[Chris S]

‘Chicken Orinoco’? Don’t get it . . .

It's cock womble, which is a polite way of calling somebody a f*** muppet.

 

[sevenfourate]

More teeth than brain cells!

I met a woman like that in Gt Yarmouth yesterday.
Who only appeared to have 2 teeth btw…..

She’d have looked better as a tin-opener than a person.

 

[Yellow Fang]

If wit were 5h1t, you'd be constipated.

 

[DRM]

At one site in Newcastle fork truck driver unloading HGV, I says just get it done, then I’ll have the truck, I don’t want to stop the workers, quick as a flash HGV driver laughs and says, “Worker, Skin wouldn’t Graft on him”