Favourite Top Tips from Viz?

[xpc316e]

If you're involved in amateur dramatics, and you need a sound effect of a mouse running across a floor just bang two halves of a pistachio shell together.

 

[betty swollocks]

Over the years I have contributed a few Top Tips to that esteemed publication. One of them was:
Gents, when going to the supermarket, do not get bin liners and panty liners confused, as I have it on good authority that neither will be a good substitute for the other.

 

[Archie_tect]

To avoid kennel fees when on holiday, take your dog to the Police Pound as a stray and collect it on your return.

 

[Archie_tect]

Always buy products offering 'Buy one, get one free'....and return one of them later for a refund....

 

[Archie_tect]

To reduce CO2 emissions, persuade everyone not to breathe out.

 

[vernon]

There was a similar one with a goldfish but I can't remember it.

Neither could the goldfish

 

[Titanium]

Convert your greenhouse into a garden shed by simply boarding up all the windows.

 

[02GF74]

make your own chewing gum by chewing on a rubber band covered in mint toothpaste.

 

[Hover Fly]

To save time in the morning, pre-soak your Weetabix the night before.

:arrow:

 

[andrew-the-tortoise]

Don't be embarrassed; I soak my Oatibix and leave it in the fridge - a lot nicer!:arrow:

 

[Landslide]

Oatibix - the most absorbent substance known to milk. Seriously, how much can they take???:arrow:

 

[threebikesmcginty]

At the cinema show consideration for pirate DVD makers by having a piss before the film starts.

 

[Glow worm]

Snooker cues make ideal toothpicks for elephants.

 

[Glow worm]

Toothpicks make ideal snooker cues for mice.

 

[Glow worm]

Make your car look like a taxi (from a distance) by sellotaping an empty weetabix box to the roof.