Feeling down about riding my bike :(

[HobbesOnTour]

Really sorry to read your update and especially that you are thinking of selling your bike.

There have been some good responses,
I particularly like the "go slow/be kind to yourself/build up confidence" ones and two solid bits of advice are to consider a different kind of bike or undertake a cycling course.

The thing is, we're all different and what works for one does not work as well for another.

Have you considered getting a bit of therapy?
It's not at all unusual that after a big shock the brain and body has a problem processing it and filing it away leading to the original shock being relived at inappropriate times.
We can conceptualise the risk (95% of drivers are fine) but the 5% feel much more potent.

If had a problem with my legs or back I'd go see a physio. Why should a problem with my head be any different?

A few points

I've managed to get back out on my bike in the real world

Well done! Not everyone does this (or can do this) so kudos to you and I hope you can give yourself a pat on the back.

Then.......

I now ride with a camera

I imagine that is mainly for "after" an incident. Does adding a camera to your gear do anything for the underlying anxiety you may be feeling?
Personally, I'd rather not have the anxiety of worrying about something bad that may happen than to have a "gotcha" for when it does.

Fully expecting this one to be a warning letter

Is this "negative" feeling really the best thing for you, right now?
First of all, you don't have a response yet, but already the glass is half empty. Is that "glass half empty" attitude affecting your attitude to riding?

It's perfectly understandable and very normal to want to have some control but I wonder if trying to control the uncontrollable is helping or hindering?

Anyway it ruins my day afterwards and just makes me think it's not worth it anymore and that I'm probably going to be knocked off again and maybe I won't be so fortunate to walk away next time.

In a nutshell, you've outlined your thought process. It goes dark and very quickly.
Possibly the best long-term solution is to try to divert that thought process?
An alternative would be a different kind of cycling away from traffic.

Was looking at selling my bike last night and my other half told me to stop being dramatic, so I've come here for a bit of perspective I suppose.

Sometimes, our fears can be very well hidden, even from ourselves - we know they're there we just can't be sure what they are. And sometimes our fears are less our own and more somebody else's.
It would seem that you have the support of your other half to get back out there. Are there any other people that you might be fearful on their account?

I wonder at the urge to sell the bike. If it was me, I'd probably leave it in the shed and forget about it until I either needed to move it or had to include it or not on insurance documents. Can you explain to yourself why you want to sell the bike? Do you have a plan for the cash?

It's a very tough place that you find yourself in. There can be gains from "pushing yourself" but there can be costs too. Only you can decide on the balance that is good for you.

Best of luck

 

[Drago]

Here's some perspective.

I was rear ended in my car many years ago. I still drive. Mind you, I've never enjoyed doing so and avoid it as much as possible, but I do still drive.

Why should a negative experience on a bicycle be any different?

 

[annedonnelly]

I feel your pain! I'm not riding at all following being knocked off 18 months ago . As I was knocked by another cyclist it's people on bikes I'm scared off. I struggle to even walk on shared use/cycle paths. I haven't been up the path where the incident occured.

I did try to force myself to go out but that simply didn't work. We've had some lovely cycling weather lately and it makes me sad that I'm not able to make the most of it.

I'm in the process of undergoing EMDR therapy which I hope is going to help. Happy to share more via PM if you wish.

 

[Peter Salt]

I apologise in advance if this reply appears unhelpful. This is how I see it, but I'm often too pragmatic for my own good.

There are donkeys everywhere - all around us. It doesn't matter whether you put one in a car, on a bike, roller skates or simply tell it to walk - a donkey remains a donkey, regardless of how it gets around. 99% of motorists are considerate, 99% of cyclists, pedestrians, roller skaters are too. It's the 1% that's the problem - the 1% of donkeys that you seem concerned about.

If you were a pedestrian and got hit crossing the road - would you never cross the road again? Accidents happen. You may be having a jolly walk down the street when a roof tile falls off and kills you. You may slip in your bathtub, hit your head and drown. You may trip going down the stairs and break your neck. Accept your mortality and try to move on - best not to avoid the very thing you're afraid of.

 

[Enlightenedwaistcoat]

I apologise in advance if this reply appears unhelpful. This is how I see it, but I'm often too pragmatic for my own good.

There are donkeys everywhere - all around us. It doesn't matter whether you put one in a car, on a bike, roller skates or simply tell it to walk - a donkey remains a donkey, regardless of how it gets around. 99% of motorists are considerate, 99% of cyclists, pedestrians, roller skaters are too. It's the 1% that's the problem - the 1% of donkeys that you seem concerned about.

If you were a pedestrian and got hit crossing the road - would you never cross the road again? Accidents happen. You may be having a jolly walk down the street when a roof tile falls off and kills you. You may slip in your bathtub, hit your head and drown. You may trip going down the stairs and break your neck. Accept your mortality and try to move on - best not to avoid the very thing you're afraid of.

You sound like my other half 😂. All of what you say is true - I just wish people would take more care.

 

[Deleted member 26715]

If you were a pedestrian and got hit crossing the road - would you never cross the road again? Accidents happen. You may be having a jolly walk down the street when a roof tile falls off and kills you. You may slip in your bathtub, hit your head and drown. You may trip going down the stairs and break your neck. Accept your mortality and try to move on - best not to avoid the very thing you're afraid of.

All you say is true & a wonderful attitude to have, unfortunately one a lot of us find it a difficult one to adopt

 

[Sharky]

Try not to avoid the point were you crashed. At the points where I have taken a spill, my senses are heightened and very unlikely to experience another of the same.

The risk of a car being involved is probably a lot less in reality. I've come off numerous times in 60+ years and all apart from one, I was riding solo and no cars in sight.

Good luck

 

[Enlightenedwaistcoat]

What I will say is this - cycling has got me fitter than I've ever been and has enabled me to see some wonderful places I'd not have been able to. I'm still amazed at the distance my own legs can carry me 😂. Small victories I guess.

 

[Once a Wheeler]

Months after a bad accident I went back to the scene and saw that the blood stains, by then reduced to a distinct dark patch, were still visible on the tarmac. The effect of that was not what I would have predicted. Instead of reliving a bad experience it turned the event into a piece of history: this is where I was injured, there is the evidence, here am I, I got away with it alive and finally well, that was the past, this is the present, ride on; but now always with a helmet.
'It will never happen to me' is, I suspect, the underlying mindset of most people most of the time and it is nearly always true. But only nearly always. Just as true is the understanding that a few times in life it will happen to you. It might be a road accident, it might be cancer, it might be your house burning down. So wear your helmet, go for your medical checks, take out fire insurance and then carry on with your life. There is no ultimate security — learn your lessons, take reasonable precautions and then carry on. That's life.

 

[Peter Salt]

What I will say is this - cycling has got me fitter than I've ever been and has enabled me to see some wonderful places I'd not have been able to. I'm still amazed at the distance my own legs can carry me 😂. Small victories I guess.

That's another good angle to look at it from - health benefits. If you stop, you won't be as fit, and will definitely live a shorter life.

 

[figbat]

Is there a place for some indoor cycling to at least keep your legs in shape and give the bike a job? A turbo setup, Zwift, whatever? I know it's a bit of an investment for an uncertain outcome. My other thought has been stated elsewhere - ride off-road. I do most of my miles off-road, either MTB or gravel bike and a mix of solo and accompanied. Again, probably needs an investment to enable it though.

 

[Enlightenedwaistcoat]

Is there a place for some indoor cycling to at least keep your legs in shape and give the bike a job? A turbo setup, Zwift, whatever? I know it's a bit of an investment for an uncertain outcome. My other thought has been stated elsewhere - ride off-road. I do most of my miles off-road, either MTB or gravel bike and a mix of solo and accompanied. Again, probably needs an investment to enable it though.

Yep! I have a turbo and the bike that was crashed - works perfectly well as a turbo bike and it's my main source of training. It's just nice to get out though isn't it

 

[lazybloke]

Here's some perspective.

I was rear ended in my car many years ago. I still drive. Mind you, I've never enjoyed doing so and avoid it as much as possible, but I do still drive.

Why should a negative experience on a bicycle be any different?

You're pretty well protected in a car.

On a bike not so much, so it's not surprising that cyclists are nervous after being knocked off.
Sometimes that nervousness can be a bit more irrational and limiting.

I stuck to offroad cycling for several years, before discovering night cycling. Roads are empty at night or early morning
- these are fantastic times to learn to enjoy road cycling again.

 

[amasidlover]

I feel this way too; I still do a fair bit of utility cycling (3-4 times a week) but I generally dread it as I can guarantee I will get a close pass or driver pull out in front of me on pretty much every ride - even if I'm only cycling somewhere 10 minutes away.

Most of my leisure cycling is now done on the turbo.

I take my 'nice' bike out a handful of times a year and once I'm on the quieter Cheshire roads it reminds me of just how pleasurable it can be (which is why I bother maintaining my bike fitness on the turbo the rest of the year).

I'm not into the big national 'events' so I make use of national holidays and events when the roads are marginally quieter. I'd love to leave the UK and move somewhere where cyclists aren't quite so hated, but family commitments etc. mean that's just not possible at the moment...

 

[FishFright]

I feel this way too; I still do a fair bit of utility cycling (3-4 times a week) but I generally dread it as I can guarantee I will get a close pass or driver pull out in front of me on pretty much every ride - even if I'm only cycling somewhere 10 minutes away.

Most of my leisure cycling is now done on the turbo.

I take my 'nice' bike out a handful of times a year and once I'm on the quieter Cheshire roads it reminds me of just how pleasurable it can be (which is why I bother maintaining my bike fitness on the turbo the rest of the year).

I'm not into the big national 'events' so I make use of national holidays and events when the roads are marginally quieter. I'd love to leave the UK and move somewhere where cyclists aren't quite so hated, but family commitments etc. mean that's just not possible at the moment...

Treat yourself to a holiday in one of those places?