Give me some dialogue from your day

[gbb]

My DIL is, by her own admission, a bit blond. She comes out with some howlers sometimes and often asks daft questions or doesn't put 2 and 2 togther.
She'll often ask something, I give her the answer and she'll give an 'oh yeah, of course '
Love her to bits .

Todays....
'I have realised if I turn the water down, it fills the bath hotter...but it's much slower'
To me, this is obvious so I reply...
'It will be hotter, the water is running slower so it is spending longer being heated in the boiler...so it's hotter innit'

She thought for a second....
'You are clever y'know you've got the answer for everything '
Well......

 

[snorri]

Tring tring tring tring(home phone rings)

me....... hello 54321
her........(female voice, non-native English speaker) Is Mr snorri in please?
me.........no, he is out for lunch
her.........I'm from Microsoft, your computer has been hacked, but it is no problem we can fix it free of charge.
me..........ok
her ........on your keyboard, what is written on the bottom left key?
me .........C T R L
her .........ok and on the next key?
me...........F N
her ...........ok, and the next key, do you see microsoft window key?
me ...........Yes
her............I would like you to press down the CTRL key and the Window key, both at the same time.
me............mmmmm we have a problem there, I have had an accident to my hand and only have one finger
her...........long silence.
her..........yes but can you press down both keys now please?
me..........I have had accident to hand and only have one finger.
her.......... silence
her........... If you set the phone down, I could wait, could you do it that way?
me ...........yes, I could, wait please.
She had gone when I went to replace handset on 'phone 10 minutes later.

 

[Milzy]

Why did you throw your gloves away Dave?
Well I’m not exactly going to wear them after somebody has wrote nonce on them am I!?

 

[snorri]

I was visiting a couple of old friends yesterday, they are now resident in a retirement home. On the way out I pass through the entrance area where some of the residents sit and daydream or watch others passing by. Another resident group, the escape committee, tend to hover on their zimmers close to the exit looking out for anyone coming and going, but particularly going, who they may be able to befriend momentarily and who will aid their escape. I hastened my step as I spotted one elderly lady making towards the door and hoping that she and I would meet there. I got to the door, keyed in the code, made my exit and promptly closed the door but still heard her surprisingly loud voice shout out "YOU BUGGER"

 

[gbb]

My wife...at friends of ours today.
Friend....
I've ordered a new upright chest freezer, Terrys fed up of digging around for stuff in the old one'
My wife...
'You've had that for years hadn't you ?'
Friend...
'22 years...YOU sold it to us'

Blimey.....

 

[ColinJ]

ColinJ: I'm going to try to stop talking to myself - it's a weird thing to do!

ColinJ: Have you spotted any additional weirdness in that last statement yet?

ColinJ: Oh, er, ha ha ha!

 

[Speicher]

ColinJ: I'm going to try to stop talking to myself - it's a weird thing to do!

ColinJ: Have you spotted any additional weirdness in that last statement yet?

ColinJ: Oh, er, ha ha ha!

Yesterday, I was talking to one of my trees.

 

[ColinJ]

Yesterday, I was talking to one of my trees.

And it told you to leaf it alone?

 

[Tenacious Sloth]

Yesterday, I was talking to one of my trees.

No bad thing.

So did Clint Eastwood in Paint your Wagon.

View: https://youtu.be/nn8YubD01sk


Graham

 

[Speicher]

@ColinJ

It stems from my frondness of gardening.

 

[Speicher]

@Tenacious Sloth, when someone asked me if I was talking to the trees, I started singing that song, but I could only remember the first line, and then went into improv about green grass.

 

[Profpointy]

Just sent Mrs PP a picture of a new rug which we'd ordered and had arrived today.

Reply:

"Looks nice. Though I was hoping it was a dead rat"

This does actually make sense in the light of this thread:

Yikes!! Giant rat at work today.

 

[Lullabelle]

Today at work

Tom: Lu, the hoilday sheets go here in the tray marked 'blank forms' don't they?

Me: no, they go in this tray marked 'holiday sheets' as they have always done

Tom: erm.. . Oh yeah

Me:
Some go missing, he can't remember where he puts them so I have no chance of finding them so they have to be redone, no wonder his partner organises his life

 

[MossCommuter]

 

[ColinJ]

Friend: I have thought of a name for my website... xxxxxxxxxx.com!

ColinJ (I happened to be online at the time of the call): It's...[checks]... already taken by a Canadian artist.

Friend: How about yyyyyyyyyy.com?

It has been parked by some cheeky person who seems to think that it is worth $19,888!

Friend: How about zzzzzzzzzz.com?

ColinJ: That IS available. If you are sure that you would like it, I will buy it for you as the first part of your birthday present.

Friend: Ooh, yes please! Er, what is the second part of my present?

ColinJ: I will set up and host your website for you. DISCLAIMER: Technically, I would own it. If you ever make a success of it I will either transfer it to you or make sure that I write a will including a clause passing control to you if I die before you!