Give me some dialogue from your day

[Salad Dodger]

This is actually from Mrs Salad's day today, and I am paraphrasing as I was not actually in the room....

(Mrs Salad went for her annual post breast cancer surgery check up today).

Consultant: How are you?
Mrs Salad: Fine.
Consultant: Let me feel the affected area.
Mrs Salad: Wouldn't it be an idea for me to have a mammogram, or maybe an X ray, before I see you? That way, you would have up to date images to work from....
Consultant: Yes, but the X ray department don't allow it. You have to come to see me, then I request for you to have an X ray, then I call you back if I need to.


So, basically, the only function of today's meeting was to assure the NHS that Mrs Salad was still alive, that her breast has not spontaneously grown back, and to set in motion the process of calling her back for another 40 mile round trip in a couple of weeks, to get an X ray.
Still, at least we will be able to go and have another lunch together..... Wagamammas today was quite good.

 

[perplexed]

We watched the first episode of the current series of 'Poldark', which we've recorded, last night.
One of the opening scenes had Aiden Turner striding bare-chested out of the sea onto the beach, wearing nothing but a pair of linen breeches.

Me to Mrs. P: 'Ursula Andress has let herself go a bit...'

Mrs P: (well, nothing, she was snorting coffee out of her nostrils...)

 

[Lavender Rose]

We watched the first episode of the current series of 'Poldark', which we've recorded, last night.
One of the opening scenes had Aiden Turner striding bare-chested out of the sea onto the beach, wearing nothing but a pair of linen breeches.

Me to Mrs. P: 'Ursula Andress has let herself go a bit...'

Mrs P: (well, nothing, she was snorting coffee out of her nostrils...)

I still prefer him as a dwarf

 

[gbb]

Imogen (2), who's vocabulary is growing day by day but not quite stringing stuff together, said to me....
'Tolin ?'
'Grandad ya little monkey'
'Tolin?'
'Grandad...say grandad'
And she leans forward for kiss....her distraction tactic when she's doing something she shouldn't...

This is brought on by her brother, you could say our step grandson who can't decide whether I'm 'Colin' or 'grandad'

 

[pjd57]

Cycling along Highburgh rd in Glasgows west end.
There is a painted cycle path , mainly used for parking.

Convertible BMW is sitting half in it and out across the inside lane.
So I have to go out really wide.
Going past I just said to the young woman driver
" This is a cycle lane "
No reply till I was way past then she just shouted
"F### off"

 

[perplexed]

Overheard in York (and related to my thoughts in the retirement thread) from a car that screeched to a halt near us...

Female driver : 'Get out of my f*****g car (repeat at jet engine decibels, around 5 times).

Male passenger swears back something unintelligible.

Female driver:' You're f****** p***ed anyway, f*** off'

Car screeches away.

There was a child of about 5 years old in the back...

 

[perplexed]

Older gentleman acquaintance speaking to Mrs. P: 'I like your topless dress...'

Brief pregnant pause...

Mrs. P: 'I think you mean sleeveless...'

 

[Lullabelle]

I went into our local COOP this morning and had a bit of a chat with 1 of the ladies who work there, I have known her for years and she knew my folks very well

Gill: hello duckie, hows your mum?
Me: erm she died 4 years ago
Gill: oh yes sorry, hows your dad?
Me: fine thanks

 

[postman]

Looking for shorts to wear while cycling Leeds Market.


"I have got all sizes"

Me, "size 40 then".

"Oh no them are xl,don't do that size".


Me to myself,well feck you won't sell many shorts in here then looking at some of the Market customers.

 

[Tenacious Sloth]

I was strolling round to the pub for a sharp one before the football earlier, when I stopped to chat with a neighbour I occasionally ride with.

Me: Hi Dave. A bit hot for washing cars isn’t it?
Northern Dave: Aye. <wipes sweat off forehead with T-shirt sleeve>. It is that. Bloody sun’s drying it streaky before I can get the chamois on it.
Me: Yeah. Should have done it this morning when the sun was on the other side of the house.
Northern Dave (with sweat dripping into his eyes causing him to squint: You off t’shop?
Me: No just popping round the pub for a really cold one before the football.
Northern Dave: Bastard!
Me:

 

[ColinJ]

I went into our local COOP this morning and had a bit of a chat with 1 of the ladies who work there, I have known her for years and she knew my folks very well

Gill: hello duckie, hows your mum?
Me: erm she died 4 years ago
Gill: oh yes sorry, hows your dad?
Me: fine thanks

I had a friend come and visit me a few years ago ...

Pal: Hi Col .... [General chat] ... And how are your parents?
Me: My dad died last year and my mum is still getting over it...
Pal: That's a pity. And how's your dad?
[W.T.F.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ]
Me: He is still dead!

 

[Lullabelle]

I had a friend come and visit me a few years ago ...

Pal: Hi Col .... [General chat] ... And how are your parents?
Me: My dad died last year and my mum is still getting over it...
Pal: That's a pity. And how's your dad?
[W.T.F.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ]
Me: He is still dead!

My boss still refers to our female cat as our wee boy, some folks just don't listen

 

[Andy in Germany]

(Interview with my boss and a highly intelligent client who has serious psych issues about how we can support him to get back into work):

Boss: So what areas would interest you as a direction to get training or work?

Client: Hydroponics

Boss: What's that?

Client: (Long, detailed and surprisingly interesting description of how to grow plants without soil using minerals olutions, climate control, artificial lighting with LED's, closed systems and timers)

Boss: Thats... interesting. Have you done some of this yourself?

Client: Oh, yes, I have a closed system working in my apartment.

Boss: Really, what do you grow?

Client: Oh, I grow my own Cannabis...

(Boss keeps straight face. Despite knowing this was coming, I fall off chair laughing...)

 

[gbb]

Last weekend, we went swimming with 5 grandkids. On the way back we'd already decided we were going to McDonald's. The older ones were all happy with the prospect while Imogen (2) seemed oblivious to the impending treat. That was until we pulled in the car park, she looked up at the McDonald's sign, a lightbulb moment registered and she simply said...'nuggets' ...with a big smile across her face.

 

[ColinJ]

(Interview with my boss and a highly intelligent client who has serious psych issues about how we can support him to get back into work):

....

Boss: Really, what do you grow?

Client: Oh, I grow my own Cannabis...

Has anyone pointed out to him that his psych issues may not be helped by ingesting huge clouds of home-grown super-skunk smoke?

I know people who got seriously paranoid until they gave up their weed habit!