Give me some dialogue from your day

[Sandra6]

A guy that used to work for had a superfluity of children - Jimmy Six Kids we called him.

Don't be knocking those with more children than is strictly necessary. My friends mostly refer to me as Sandra 6 kids, I even have it printed on a hoody. And I had all six by the time I was 31!

Anyway, my daughter to me "I love you like a sandwich"
me - "thank you?!"

 

[subaqua]

one guy who was always complaining about being tired earned the nickname "johnny jetlag"

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Years ago we had a new driver who was due to start with us, he phoned in sick on his first day complaining of an upset stomach, this went on for a few days and he was affectionately nicknamed Squirty. He never did start.

 

[Chromatic]

Overheard in the swimming pool changing rooms...

'Sit on the bench and open your flaps'

Another wet dream??

 

[Crackle]

Me running in the forest

Me: to the dog "Get out the swampy pool!"
Dog: obeys and runs over and shakes vigorously
Me:"pwoooooaaaarffff, oh jeez, that water stinks...... I stink now......... You dozy hound"

we run on. Then wafting gracefully towards us comes another runner, a young woman, neat and glowing.

Her: Beeeeeeep, pauses her watch " Do you know where the Barnston gate is?"
Me: Beeeeeeep, pauses watch "ermmm, no, well probably but not that name. Do you know any more?"
Her: "No"
Me: "Ah, sorry then I don't"
Her: "OK, thanks anyway", (I think I detect a slight wrinkle of the nose.) Beeeeeeep, starts watch and moves off in a graceful effortless waft, leaving behind a faint smell of roses
Me: Beeeeeeep, starts watch, moves off with a lumber, stumble, gasp, puff, grunt, flap, leaving a heavy smell of swamp.
Dog: looks at me quizzically
Me: "stop that! Some people are born graceful, others of us are not, not helped by being covered in swampy water and stinking like a sewer. And I should add, you're not looking too graceful yourself. I'd stay out the swampy pools in future"....stumble, flap, gasp......."Still, we should get a table to ourselves at the caff"......stumble, lurch, gasp, pant

Nobody invaded my personal space in the queue at the cafe, either.

 

[Andrew_Culture]

My wife talking to Siri - "I can send people to your house. Bad people..."

 

[Nigel-YZ1]

I've learnt a new Yorkshire term for applying a tube patch - "Do you want me to stick a scab on it?".
Not a word I'd use within half a mile of Cortonwood.

 

[Rickshaw Phil]

My brother bringing more beer: "They accept the discount card. This round only came to £6.66."
Me: "Ah, the round of the beast."

 

[ColinJ]

"Thank you."

(The only words that I've spoken today, to the woman behind the till at a local shop.)

 

[swee'pea99]

Best nickname I can remember is the one Man City fans came up with after they signed Kizito Musampa.

Chris.

 

[gbb]

Wife was talking to our daughter the other day about the school she works at for severely handicapped children.
I was sitting in another room, not really listening, but did hear...
'blah blah, blah blah....we've got two offstanding outsteds.....'
There was an instant pause as she thought about what she'd just said .....and all three of us burst out laughing

 

[gbb]

Several work related ones for me today...
One machine (of two) thats usually very busy has had its inverter blow up, almost literally. A replacement is ordered from Spain bit i suspect it will be a few days before its up and running.
One of the operators...'when will it be fixed ?'
Me.....................'Tomorrow if we're extremely lucky'
'Tomorrow , but we are busy !!'
'Doesnt make any difference i'm afraid, there are no spare parts in this country'
'Yes but we are really busy...' with a look of deep concern
My reply...'Nothing for you to worry about, just take it easy while you have the chance, the management are the ones who do the worrying, not us' .

Later, a bit of banter....
Me...'Crikey, i don't know whether i'm coming or going today' (its been a mental day)
Dawn, the line leader (With an acid tongue but a good sense of humour)...'makes a change then, you're usually having a lie down in the workshop'
'Thats an outrageous thing to say' i replied with mock indignation.
'Yeah but it's true, you're lying again' she said.
'Yeah, i know, but at least i'm honest about my dishonesty'

 

[Andrew_Culture]

Coming around a roundabout a driver about to join didn't slow down at all and missed my rear wheel by about a foot.

Me - "FAAAAAAAAAAARKKKK"
The driver slowed down as he left the roundabout and waved in a very contrite way.

Bystander - "I saw that! Fark!"
Bystander points at driver - "He was lucky!"
Me - "HE was lucky?"

 

[ColinJ]

Me, to pal at my door: "Blimey - you've either been in a punch-up or you fell off your bike!"
Pal: "I fell off my bike!"
Me: "Ouch! How did it happen?"
Pal: "Rushing to beat the lights which were changing, singletrack road over a railway bridge, downhill, lefthand bend, adverse camber, greasy road surface, front wheel slid out!"

I knew straight away that it was here. I've almost been caught out there a couple of times. It's a good way of bypasssing the centre of Todmorden but you have to keep your wits about you.

(He has a smashed cycle helmet, scratched glasses, a painful thumb, swollen hand, swollen face with abrasions and bruises to cheek, forehead and nose, painful ribs, cuts and bruises to elbows, hips and knees.)

 

[Andrew_Culture]

Me, to pal at my door: "Blimey - you've either been in a punch-up or you fell off your bike!"
Pal: "I fell off my bike!"
Me: "Ouch! How did it happen?"
Pal: "Rushing to beat the lights which were changing, singletrack road over a railway bridge, downhill, lefthand bend, adverse camber, greasy road surface, front wheel slid out!"

I knew straight away that it was here. I've almost been caught out there a couple of times. It's a good way of bypasssing the centre of Todmorden but you have to keep your wits about you.

(He has a smashed cycle helmet, scratched glasses, a painful thumb, swollen hand, swollen face with abrasions and bruises to cheek, forehead and nose, painful ribs, cuts and bruises to elbows, hips and knees.)

Get well soon to him! I bet there was a part of you that slightly envied him though?

Chicks dig scars.